Be More Aware

How aware are you of what is around you?

Do you notice a beautiful sunset even when you're having a bad day?

Do the antics of a small child make you smile even in the midst of disorder?

Does a pretty little flower growing up among the weeds catch your attention?

Are you aware of the small things in life, the things God puts in front of us to remind us of His love for us and all the world?

Every week I meet with a group of friends to pray together and to share how God is working in our lives.  We share how we are approaching our prayer life, what we are studying, reading, or listening to that helps form us as God's people, and how we are using our own lives to spread the Gospel message.

One of the questions we struggle with each week is how did you most feel close to God this week.

It doesn't sound like a difficult question, but it is.  Especially when you have to think about it week after week.  Of course, that is the point.  We should be thinking of it all the time.

For me it comes down to awareness.  I need to be more aware.  And I'm guessing it is an exercise many of us could get more practice at.  So I have a proposal.

During this coming week take some time to be more aware of God's presence in your life.  What makes you smile?  What touches your heart?  What takes you by surprise this week?  A beautiful sunset splashing lots of colors across the sky can remind us of God's love for the world just as much as changing that horribly stinky diaper can remind us of how much God loves His children (i.e. us) and would do anything for us.

Next week I will post about how I recognized God's presence more during the week and I hope you'll add yours too. Be more aware and stay tuned.

Image source MorgueFile

When I grow up ...

When you were a kid what did you want to be when you grew up?  

I wanted to be a writer.  From about the time I was in 4th or 5th grade until sometime in high school, I wanted to be a writer.  That was it.  Creative writing, fiction.  I didn't care if I wrote the great American novel, I just wanted to write and see my writing published.

I won a writing award in 5th grade and a couple times during the middle school years.  Of all the various awards and trophies I got growing up for various activities (swimming, piano, etc.), the writing awards meant the most to me and I think they are still in a box with my grade school stuff.

But in high school I started going a different direction.  Freshman year I wrote a poem that I submitted for the county writing fair and didn't even make it past the school level.  For whatever long-forgotten reason, I never bothered entering again.  This was the time when music became much more all-encompassing of my life.  And so I started leaning in that direction.

In graduate school I had to do a master's thesis.  I clearly remember meeting with my thesis adviser and hearing her tell me that I was a great researcher but not much of a wordsmith.  Ouch!  And she was a prolific writer and very well-known, well-respected figure in her field.  Double ouch!

So after years and years of wanting to be a writer and yet pursuing music instead, I ended up a music librarian.  And I have no regrets.  I believe that God had a plan and He was in control the whole time.  I am where I am for a reason.

But several years ago I got into blogging, totally for fun.  And then last year I started writing for a new blog with a bunch of online friends.  I also have a few publications professionally, but those are mostly researched lists of things or statistics, very little narrative writing.  I still don't consider myself a writer.

And yet, last Friday I sat in a radio studio for an interview and heard my interviewer call me a Catholic writer.  

A Catholic writer?  Me?  Really?

It was an odd thing to hear after all these years.  Is that what I am now?  I don't think so, or um ... I didn't think so.  I read the blogs of  Catholic writers and follow them on Facebook and Twitter and put their books on my wish list hoping one day to find the time to actually read these wonderful wordsmiths.  Yet, I never considered myself to be a part of that group.

Okay, yes, I blog.  But does that make me a writer?  And yes, I write now for another collaborative blog, but I know I'm nowhere near the best writer of that group.  Even so, do these things make me a writer?  Or more specifically a Catholic writer?

I don't know.  I'm still pondering it.  I smile when I think of it, in a how ironic kind of way.  

It's funny how your life can turn out sometimes.  Something you wanted to do but never pursued could still end up being the thing you end up doing.  Maybe not in the way you thought you would do it, but you're still doing it.  And it can completely sneak up on you too!

Image source MorgueFile

Unproductive Day, Might as well Blog

After my radio interview on Friday I was going to write up a post about a thought I had during and after the interview.  Still planning on that (hopefully later this week) but right now I feel the need to share about my unproductive day instead.

That sounds boring, doesn't it?  But stick with me, hear me out a little ...

We had a rough weekend, the boys have been sick.  Actually, back up, *I* was sick last week, Ethan started to seem a little down on Friday, by Saturday it was obvious he was sick as well.  Peter has a runny nose and was a little fussy over the weekend, but mostly in a good mood.

Which brings us to Monday.  I finally feel well for the first time in 5 days.  Yay!!  Despite my sickness last week I took advantage of the boys being in daycare to work on my sabbatical project.  I did pretty well, despite the sickness.  Monday should have been productive as well.

"Should" being the operative word!  And so the story goes ...

Have to remind myself what my
healthy, happy boys look like.
So cute!

I know when I go to get the boys up Monday morning that they are not going to daycare.  Ethan continues to be fussy, gets upset at the slightest things, and once he starts crying he seems bothered by everything around him.  Poor guy, he makes me so sad.

Lots of crying during breakfast, clinging to mom during the morning, crying anytime Peter touches him ... I find it exhausting.  Both boys are in their cribs for a morning nap BEFORE 10 am.

That was probably partly because they needed it and partly because *I* needed it.  Sometimes you got to do what you got to do.

They slept for an hour ... better than nothing.

More play time, lunch (which means more crying), back to playtime (and crying), and then the doorbell rang.

With two boys crying down in the playroom someone from the electric company is here to install the conservation stuff on our air conditioners.  Not a big deal, it's outside, thankyouverymuch, and goodbye.

More clinging to mom, wiping noses, throw in a load of laundry, start looking at the clock to see if another nap time is in order.  It's only 12:30.

Doorbell rings again.  Apparently the breaker switch on one AC unit is now broken.  This means the AC is not working until someone can come out to fix it.  Greeeeeeeeeeeeat!

Finally just before 2pm, I put the boys down for another nap.  There's more whining going on from two obviously sleepy boys when the doorbell rings again.  At least I know the AC will be fixed!!  With the boys cries carrying through the house via the strategically placed baby monitor in our front hall, the electrician comes in and I take him to the electrical box where he discovers that the circuits aren't all labeled, but he tries one anyway and heads outside.

I run upstairs knowing that there are probably four pacifiers scattered across the boys' room and just as I get them both settled again I hear the electrician come in and call for me.  I just want to yell "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!"  Luckily I don't.

Anyway, he gets the circuits worked out, labels them for the next guy that will need them, and heads back outside.  By 2:30 he is done, ACs are all working, and the boys are finally asleep.

Work on sabbatical project or give up for the day??  That is the question.

My answer: give up.  

Procrastination wins again!

Thankfully, the boys are starting to seem a bit better and my hope is that they will be well enough to go back to daycare on Tuesday.  I should also feel back to 100% and then I can dive back in.  That gives me four days to make some good headway on this project before I go back to working in my office.  Once I am back at work I can continue to work on this project, but it will be along with all my other responsibilities.

Oh responsibility, how I have not missed thee.

Writing Elsewhere

I keep forgetting to share here whenever I have a post up on Catholic Sistas.  Sorry!!  But really, what I'd love to see is all my readers adding Catholic Sistas to their blog readers.  And go "like" the Facebook fan page while you're at it.  :-)

So today I have a new post over on the Sistas blog: A Community of Authentic Catholicism.  You should check it out not because I wrote it but because the blog is awesome and after you read my post you must read posts from the other Sistas. They are all much better writers than I.  You can just humor me, but go read them.

In all honesty, I like this post that I wrote.  I do feel the Holy Spirit had a hand in guiding it, as well as several of my fellow Sistas who rightly steered me in the proper direction when I got a bit derailed in the writing process.  But I read it now and I think, wow, those are my words?  Nope, they are not.  The Holy Spirit must have wanted someone to read those words and made sure I got them in the correct order.  Praise God, He works in amazing ways!

Hope you enjoy and continue to visit!!

No Wheels Needed

Wheels aren't necessary when pure, brute force works just as well.

Peter likes pushing this little musical table across the room.  He'll even get to the other end of the room and move around to the other side of the table and push it all the way back.  And he's not alone, Ethan does it too. 

Amazingly, we do have three other toys that have wheels.

Doing Something New!

I'm hesitant to advertise this, so maybe the fact that I'm doing so at the eleventh hour means that no one will have a chance to catch me on the radio.

Radio??

Why yes, I will be on our local Catholic radio station on Friday evening.  There, I said it.  I'm nervous about this and not entirely sure what to expect.  I hope it will be a fun hour of discussing Catholic topics, my own faith life, plugging Catholic Sistas, and maybe some Gamecock Baseball.

You should be able to listen regardless of where you are, although I will warn you that the online streaming has not always been working for me lately.  It is today, but I can't guarantee what will happen tomorrow.

This is the red box on the website
with the "Listen Live" link.

If you want to listen in, go to Real Life Radio and click on the "Listen Live" link on the right side of the screen.  A new window should pop up, it'll take a moment to load, you'll hear a short advertisement (worth it to keep this service free) and then it *should* go right into streaming the station.

If you're local you can, of course, tune in to 1380 AM or 94.9 FM.

The show (The Mike Allen Show, Not Just a Sports Show) starts at 5:00 p.m. (Eastern) on Friday evening and is an hour long.

Wish me luck!!

Kitchen Facelife

The house we moved into this spring was well taken care of and had many updates already.  The kitchen was very nicely updated.  Although it had a bit more space than our previous kitchen it didn't have the massive pantry our old kitchen had.  So things were a little tight, even with the additional storage in the basement.

The good news was there was empty wall space that was perfect for adding additional cabinets.  Hubby found a cabinet maker that could get us matching cabinets to what we already had and it was all installed in one afternoon.  Here are the before and after pictures:

Before: the desk area and pantry

Before: the pantry.
Lots of extra wall space that wasn't good for much of anything

Installation!!  One new pantry added.

After: New open shelves
(The little space on the right side was filled in the next week.
Nothing is ever completely straight)

After: Finished pantry and new shelves

After from a different angle.
The doors aren't closed because of the addition of new spice racks
and we hadn't yet moved the inside shelves when I took the picture.

#500 with a Hippopotamus

Welcome to post #500 on Journal of a Nobody!  That seems like a lot to me even if it is over the course of about 6 years.  I'm certainly not the most prolific writer, but it has been fun to share bits and pieces of my life and explore topics of interest in a semi-public space.  So here's hoping for continued fun in the next 500 posts.

Father's Day was this past Sunday and I was kind of a slacker.  I did have picture cards of the boys that I sent to my dad, my father-in-law, the boys' two godfathers, and one for Hubby.  We also went out for breakfast after Mass on Sunday morning.  Otherwise, that was the extent of our Father's Day celebration.

Yes, total slacker here.

However, on Monday I was out running errands alone and made a quick stop at a bookstore.  Hubby has a favorite book among the plethora of books the boys have:

Do you know this book?  Oh, my goodness, it is hilarious.  When I commented on the fact that Hubby picks it up almost every night to read to the boys he explained why:

"What is not to like?  It has verse, funny animals, a happy ending, and a surprise ending."

So I decided that Father's Day needed a little more oomph than I had given it the day before and Hubby needed more books by this author.  I had no idea what a prolific author Sandra Boynton was!  So many to choose from.  I chose three and presented them to Hubby at dinner Monday night.

You know you've done good when Hubby is excited about a few children's board books as a Father's Day gift.  He's so cute!

As Expected

First day of day care for the boys went as expected.  We got into the building, found our way to the correct room, managed to find where our stuff all needed to go, realized we forgot to bring a check to pay for child care services {duh!}, and then got the boys our of their car seats.

Ethan's thoughts: New TOYS!  Small people like me!  Look at the toys!!  Mommy and Daddy who??  Wow, TOYS!

Peter: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Totally what I would have expected.

End of the day report is that the boys did well.  They ate well, slept well, and were overall very good.  Ethan in particular was described as a "very happy baby."

Cute moment of the day: nap time is on little cots.  The boys both slept well and Peter woke up when the other kids started waking up.  Ethan was still sleeping.  Peter moved around some and started checking things out and then climbed up on Ethan's cot with him.  I was told it was very cute and they all wondered if I had them sleeping together at home.  They don't, but I thought it was sweet that Peter crawled into Ethan's cot at the end of nap time.  He needed some brother time.

Overall, successful first day.

Entrance Strategy

These days when I am going somewhere I spend my time in the car on the drive over debating my entrance strategy.  This can be quite complicated, there are so many variables from the weather to parking to how the building is situated and more.

Not unlike the days when the debate was more like "Should I arrive on time?",  "Am I too early?", "Am I the appropriate amount of time late without being too late?", "What if I arrive at the same time as so-and-so, should I wait in the car or walk in with them?"  Remember those days??

Yeah, me neither.

My entrance strategy involves safely getting two small children from car to [grocery store, church, restaurant, etc.] wherever.  And even when I have an entrance strategy figured out, I sometimes have to make changes once I get to my destination.

Situation: Meeting a small group from my parish (a new committee) for lunch at Panera (semi-fast food, salad, sandwich, soup place and bakery).  Boys in tow and no help.

The Entrance Strategy Plan: boys' lunch was in the lunch bag I use when I'm working, grab the place mats from the diaper bag and throw those in my purse (leave diaper bag in car); carry the lunch bag and purse one on each shoulder. Take one child out of the car but still in his infant seat and take second child out of his seat and carry him in my arms.  Hope to meet one of the committee members already in the restaurant so someone can grab a high chair.  Hope there are two available high chairs.

One thing I didn't consider in my plan: the small parking lot at this particular restaurant's location.  Something else I hadn't realized, another popular restaurant had moved into an empty space in the same shopping strip.

So yeah ... parking lot was just a wee bit full.  By which I mean ... PACKED!

Solution: I parked at the far end of the shopping center pretty much in the parking lot of the nearby hotel.  Carrying both boys in (one in the infant seat) was not going to happen.  So instead I used the stroller.  Panera is not well set up for a double, side-by-side stroller, which was why I had wanted to avoid using it.  Oh well, I had to roll with it.

Though I did have to do some finagling to get the stroller to the table we had chosen, I did manage it with lots of help from people already seated who moved chairs and tables for me.  People really are super nice!  But once I was at the table it was obvious I wasn't going to be able to feed them in their stroller just because of the space it was taking up.  So we did end up getting two highchairs and I folded the stroller up and set it against the table.

And the boys were great too!!  We had lunch and our meeting and the boys were happy as can be for most of the time we were there.  I was so happy that it was a successful trip.  Plus I had help from the people I was meeting with.

If you had told me a year ago that I would be venturing into a restaurant with two small children who can't walk yet and without the help of my husband, I would have laughed at you!!

Now to figure out how to get them into daycare each morning!!  At least I have four more days to think about our entrance strategy on that one.

Another Week+ in the Books

It has been busy in our household lately.  LOTS going on these days.

First off, last week the boys had a birthday and got to have a cupcake for the first time:

Not quite sure what to do with it

They also got a red wagon from Nanny and Papa:

Enjoying the new wagon with Papa

And little ride-on trains from Grandma and Grandpa:

Checking out the new trains, they make lots of fun noises!

Birthday parties are fun.  But try having one with 40 extra people in your house and two babies who are in a "stranger anxiety" phase.  Phew!!  Those poor boys didn't know what was going on.  (It was fun though, for us!)

Then over last weekend my brother and his girlfriend got engaged!!  Add another wedding to our family calendar!  Right now my sister is getting married next May and now we'll have a second wedding sometime after that.  We are all excited and happy for them!

Monday I spent all morning with the phone by my side waiting to hear the news that I had a new niece or nephew.  My other sister was having her third c-section that morning.  It was the first of her three kids where I wasn't sitting in the waiting room with everyone else.  I'm used to missing things like this because of the distance I live away from them, but this one I had really wanted to be there.  So it made me kind of sad that I couldn't be.  I finally got the call around noon or so and learned I had a new niece.  And she's so cute!!  Looks just like her older sister.

On top of an engagement and a new baby, my dad officially retired (for the second time) on Tuesday.

It was a big few days for my family!

On Wednesday the boys went for their 12 month appointment.  Overall they are healthy, got one shot, got some medication for eczema, and mom got a boost of reassurance that she's still doing this mothering thing okay.

(And really, that reassurance is the most important part of why we take our kids to the doctor, right?  Or is that just me?  Don't answer that.)

Quick stats: Peter is 19 pounds (b/t 10th-25th percentile) and 29 inches (25th percentile).  Ethan is 19 pounds 6 ounces (25th percentile) and 28 1/8 inches (10th percentile).  My small kids have big heads though (not surprising given my family genes).  At 47 cm (Ethan) and 46 1/2 cm (Peter), they are both in the 75th percentile.  LOL!!!

Thursday I finished my annual column for my professional journal and submitted it to my editor.  DONE!!!  I always hesitate pushing that "send" button in my email.  Is it really done?  Did I proof it enough?  Should I go back and check all my numbers and math again for the eleventybillionth time?  (And yes, that is a word, don't go looking it up.)

Also on Thursday we had new cabinets put in our kitchen on a few blank wall spaces.  I have a few before and after pictures, but they are still on my camera.  So I'll save those for another post.

Thursday night and into the early hours of Friday morning I banged my head furiously against the keyboard published another submission on Catholic Sistas.  Check it out, our debut post into the 7 Quick Takes fun.  Our creator wanted to join the 7 Quick Takes series but didn't have a clear vision for it, so I threw out some ideas and ended up with the assignment.  It was fun.  I took a poll of all the contributors and posted the results.  A fun way to get to know the blog's writers.  And watch for more (not every Friday though).

Friday was an important day!  It was the day of the Stand up for Religious Freedom Rallies held all across this great nation.  The boys and I attended the one in our town and we had a great turnout.  I heard later that day that there were approximately 275 people there.  I saw lots of people I knew and heard some great speakers.  The boys did great for the hour and a half we stood downtown in the sun.  They were comfy in their stroller with the shade up, but it was still hot.  I fed them cheerios and then rolled the stroller back and forth and they eventually fell asleep.  Very proud of my sons for attending their first political protest rally at just a year old!

The boys chilling out at the rally.
*Photo courtesy of Cindy Olson (c) 2012*

Following the rally and the walk back to the car (I was parked several blocks away in a University employee lot I located on a map that morning, the closest one I could find to downtown) I was HOT!  The boys were sleeping and I wanted to listen to a radio interview that was going to start in about 15 minutes.  Solution: pack everyone into the car, drive to Dairy Queen, hope the boys fall asleep, and listen to the interview in the car.

And that's what I did.  I went through the drive-thru and then sat in the car in their parking lot, AC on full blast, and listened to a friend do an interview on a nationally broadcast program on Relevant Radio.  It was a good interview too.  The creator of the blog Catholic Sistas was being interviewed.  It was fun to listen and I laughed at the callers who called in with questions.  Their names and places they were from clued me in that they were all contributors as well.  You can still listen to the interview by clicking here and choosing one of the links for June 8.  Martina did great!  Go listen if you have time.  No, not "if", I take that back: find time and listen!  That's an order!

Some friends I hadn't seen in a while were back in town for a short visit.  So they stopped by on Friday afternoon and visited for a bit.  It was fun to see them and to see how much their three boys have grown!

That pretty much concluded our busy week.  The boys are home with me one more week and then they start daycare the following week.  I go back to working full-time in the office two weeks later.  Which means two weeks of working full-time at home with no interruptions.  Hopefully I can concentrate on work and not get distracted by running an errand or cleaning something I know needs cleaning or folding a load of laundry that I had done the night before, etc.

If you've made it all the way to the end of this novel of a post, thanks for reading!  Have a great weekend!

7 Quick Takes Friday, vol. 42

~1~

I finally finished revising a project that has been hanging over my head for 7 or 8 months.

Finally!!

~2~

No, it is not my sabbatical project.

Unfortunately.  ::sigh::

~3~

I have a small contribution to a larger reference book that was supposed to be published in 2009 or 10.

It's been so long, I've forgotten when the original publication date was!

~4~

It got delayed so long it was really hard to go back to edit, revise, and remember how and why things were set up the way they were.  

And searching in databases!!  I forgot how frustrating that can be!!

~5~

Thankfully my section editor had her assistant go over a portion of my list for me.

I wouldn't be done now otherwise!  Thank goodness for assistants!! ::happydance::

~6~

But ... I had to torture myself go look and I see that the publication date is now Spring 2012.

Hmmmm ...

~7~

Regardless, I'm done with my part!!  I hope no one asks me to revisit this list again any time soon.

Must. Get. Back. To. Sabbatical. Project.

For more Quick Takes with maybe a bit more substance to them than this one, and probably far more interesting too, check out Conversion Diary by Jen Fulwiler, Quick Takes hostess extraordinaire!

Wordless Wednesday: One Whole Year

{In all pictures but two, Peter is on the left, Ethan on the right.  Can you tell which two are different?}

In the hospital, born May 30, 2011 (picture probably taken 5/31/2011)

Probably one month old (I didn't label this picture)

2 months, 7/30/2011

13 weeks, 8/29/2011

17 weeks, 9/26/2011

5 months, 10/30/2011

7 months and a week or so, Jan. 2012

8 months, 1/30/2012

9 months, 2/30/2012 (I love the smirk on Peter's face!)

About 10 months old (I'm so bad about dating pictures!!)

Easter Sunday, 4/8/2012

11 months old, 4/30/2012

1 day shy of 12 months, 5/29/2012

Happy Birthday, Boys!!!

Witnessing to Life

This morning my husband, my two boys, and I joined with other friends to attend a Memorial Mass for a little child who left this life way too soon.  It was a beautiful Mass and I felt privileged to attend and be a witness for the sanctity of life.

Our friends struggled for several years with infertility.  They had prayed and discerned the road to adoption and had started the mounds of paperwork when they suddenly became pregnant.  Nine months later they welcomed into their lives an adorable little girl who, I might add, is as cute as a button.  Then this spring they became pregnant again.  Unfortunately, this pregnancy ended all too soon.  Through prayer, our friends both had strong feelings that this precious life that was lost was another girl.  With that they were able to name her and I absolutely love the name they picked: Rachel Philomena.

Today was all dedicated to Rachel Philomena.  The Mass was beautiful, the priest offered encouragement in his homily for us to all be united with Rachel in heaven one day, and in the intentions we prayed for all mothers who have experienced loss or are still waiting.

And then at the end of Mass, as the priest was processing out, many in the congregation started singing the first line of a Marian hymn that I now can't remember.  But no announcement was made, it seemed spontaneous to me (but I don't regularly attend this parish, so maybe this is the norm at daily Mass there?).  And it was perfect!  I started feeling a little teary thinking of Mary and baby Rachel and all the babies who lived such short lives before God brought them home to be with Him.

As many of us gathered in the lobby area of the church after Mass, my friend introduced the priest to a couple of us and told him that we all met through an infertility support group.  I then had to laugh at the thought.  Here we were, four women who had met through an infertilty support group yet there we stood: three of us with children and two of us pregnant.  We certainly didn't look like a group of infertile women!

But that's the beauty of this support group.  We have become friends and support each other in many ways. These women have been there for me during my losses, we have all prayed for each other in times of surgeries and failed adoptions, helped each other out through months of bed rest, supported each other during various attempts with fertility drugs, shots, and blood draws, commiserated over doctors who don't understand the Catholic position, and we come together in many ways to celebrate successes but also to grieve and mourn with each other.  I really couldn't ask for a better group of friends.

And so today, we all came together to witness to the life of Rachel Philomena.  Little Miss Rachel represents many hopes and dreams for all of us.  We have all prayed endlessly for children and God has heard those prayers, but sometimes those prayers are answered in ways we don't expect.  Rachel's short life may be insignificant to some, but not to us.  We know that her life was important and cherished just as much as any child.  Her life stands as a witness to all of us that every life in the womb is cherished and should be welcomed into the world no matter the circumstances or how long or short that life may be.

And with a name like that, she has some pretty powerful intercessors to guide her in praying for all of us still here in this world.  I feel privileged that I was able to be a part of today's Mass and to be a witness for the sanctity of life as proclaimed to us through Rachel Philomena and her amazing parents.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day ...

To my mom for all she has done and still does for me!

To my mother-in-law for raising such a wonderful son!

To my husband's grandmother, for being such a sweet lady and a great grandmom!

To Peter and Ethan's Godmommies, for being faithful role models for them as they grow up.

To all the mother's in my family, aunts, sister, sisters-in-law, cousins, for all you do to raise great kids!!

To all my friends who are mothers and work hard every day to provide the best you can for your children.

To all those whose babies are already in Heaven.  Your faithfulness in the face of pain and suffering and your prayers for your children make you amazing moms!

To all those facing an unplanned pregnancy, that you will recognize that you are already a mother as well, will accept the child within you, and give that child the life he or she deserves.

To all those who are spiritual mothers to those around them.  May your prayers be fruitful in the lives of all you touch.

For all those mothers who have gone on to the next world: especially my two grandmothers, my husband's paternal grandmother, my Aunt Janet, and many other mothers who are missed every day.

And most especially, to Our Lady, the Blessed Mother.  Thank you for being the ultimate role model of motherhood. and thank you for continued prayers for all mothers of this world.

7 Quick Takes Friday, vol. 41

~1~

I never liked Biology in school.  I had to take it in college and I opted to do it over the summer so it was the only class I took.  But there are still some basic biology concepts that did stay with me.  I am starting to think that's not the case for many people.  I get all sorts of interesting comments from people when I am out with my twins.  Sometimes I just don't know what to say, most of the time I don't say anything.

~2~

Sometimes conversations with strangers go something like this:

Stranger: Oh, are they twins?

Me: Yes.

S: They look a lot alike, are they identical?

Me: Why yes, they are.

S: That's so cool!  Do you have one of each or are they the same?

M: No, both the same, two boys.

I'm not going to tell a stranger that identical means everything is identical.  I hope it is that people just aren't thinking when they ask this question.  Or maybe they have forgotten that identical means one fertilized egg that splits.  How can you get a boy and a girl out of one fertilized egg?  I do find these conversations highly amusing, but more and more I find myself walking away from these conversations shaking my head in disbelief.  It's getting harder to give people the benefit of the doubt the more I run into some variation of this conversation.

~3~

Just a couple days ago I was checking out at the grocery store in the self-check lanes.  I was the only customer so the cashier came over to see the babies and she struck up a conversation.  First she tells me that she and her boyfriend have been talking about having a kid.  {Um, yeah, okay, thanks for sharing!}  Then she goes on to tell me how there are twins in his family, lots of them, and that they skip a generation and his mom was a twin and that most of them are boy/girl twins [i.e. fraternal] blah, blah, blah.  So of course HE is going to have twins.  I couldn't help myself.  I usually don't say anything to people, but this time I couldn't contain it.  I turned to her and said: "I don't think your boyfriend's family history is going to have any effect on your fertility."

Just in case you don't know, if your husband comes from a family with lots of fraternal twins, that will have NO effect on whether or not you release one egg or two (or more) eggs during a cycle.  If the fraternal twins are on your side of the family ... that's a different story, maybe.

~4~

And let me just say here that I haven't looked much into whether or not fraternal twins really are passed down within a family or not. I have identical twins, so I don't really care.  But from the little I have heard, it is not necessarily true that fraternal twins are passed down through families.  Maybe it is, I don't know.

~5~

I'm also tired of people asking me if twins run in my family.  Just to set the record straight: identical twins are random.  So it doesn't matter.

~6~

I've made an interesting discovery.  When I go out with the boys I either gets lots of strangers wanting to see the babies or talk to me or I see people trying to check the boys out without appearing to be gawking (and I'm okay with the gawkers, it means I don't have to get into a conversation with a stranger).  Or, I get absolutely nothing at all.  And it all depends on how the boys are being transported, which depends a lot on what store I'm in and what or how much stuff I am getting.

Scenario #1 (moderate to heavy grocery store trip): The boys are strapped into their double stroller that I push with one hand while I pull a small grocery cart with the other.  In this scenario we get lots of looks, etc.  In one of my trips to the grocery this week I even had a gentleman call me, "Hey, ma'am!" from about 10 feet or so away.  I thought maybe I had dropped something or he knew me from somewhere.  But no, he just wanted to see the boys.

Scenario #2 (light grocery store trip): One baby gets to sit in the seat of the grocery cart while the other baby stays in his car seat in the basket of the cart.  I put one of the carry baskets in the bottom of the cart to hold whatever I'm picking up.  I have yet to attract attention for having twins in this scenario.  I like shopping this way!

~7~

I'm slowly getting used to attracting attention.  I'm an introvert, I don't normally engage strangers in conversation.  I'm learning that being out with two babies that are incredibly adorable {not that I'm biased or anything} and look exactly alike is going to attract attention.  After almost a year, I'm still not completely used to it, and not sure I will ever get used to it, but it is an endless source of amusement.

For more Quick Takes head on over to Hallie Lord's blog, Betty Beguiles, who is graciously hosting this week.

My Special Girl

When I think of my children I think of them all very differently.  Any parent can relate to that concept.  Our children are all very different.  We love them all the same and can't imagine life without them, but we know they are all different.

As a mother of three babies in heaven, I even see all of them in different ways too.  It seems normal to me, but I'm sure may be hard to imagine if you've never lost a baby.  But stick with me and maybe the concept will get clearer.

Casey still seems mysterious to me.  I think of her as a girl, though we never knew for sure, and I believe that influences my view of her as a quiet, motherly-type child.  She's my first child, too, so it fits.  I feel like she is close to Mary and watches over both her two siblings that are with her in heaven and her two brothers here on earth.

Zachary is my sweet, little boy who loves his siblings and wants to protect them.  He's my big protector with the big heart..  I'm guessing the Blessed Mother has to reel in his enthusiasm sometimes (and I kind of feel like I have evidence of that too).

My two boys here, Peter and Ethan, are full of love and are beyond curious about the world.  Peter is the more aggressive one, he knows what he wants and he'll go over anything (and anyone) to get to it.  I can't tell you how many times Ethan has landed on the floor because of Peter's one-track mind.  Ethan is a bit more passive. He has the cutest gleam in his eye when he smiles.  I think there is a trouble-maker lurking under that cute smile, but so far Peter's antics have shown through more.  I carry a secret wish in my heart for Ethan.

And then, there is Brigit.  My sweet little Brigit.  She is the child who truly holds a special place in my heart.  They all do, but there is just something special about her.  Based on what we learned about her after the miscarriage, I know that she would have been a special needs child had she lived and been carried to term.  Every time I think of her in heaven I see her under her big brother Zachary's protection.

For me, Brigit is the silent child.  She is watched over and cared for by her two older siblings.  I also think she is a powerful intercessor.  Although I think of her as silent, it is a holy kind of silence that I'm sure radiates from her.  It's hard to explain.  It's a feeling I have, maybe it's mother's intuition, maybe something else.  I feel that if she was with us here today she would be just like I imagine her: a silent, sweet child who has a power to make people smile and laugh despite any physical or mental handicaps she may have.

She is definitely one of God's special children.  As I reflect back today, the day I like to set aside for remembering my Brigit Ann, I am sad that I was not given the opportunity to parent this special child.  But I am also happy that she gets to spend eternity in heaven, is a powerful intercessor before God, and can bring smiles to the saints all around her.

Check out the Tribute to Brigit I wrote last year.

Thinking about Mary

Today you can read part of my pregnancy loss story over at Catholic Sistas.

A little over four years ago I experienced my first miscarriage.  It was the beginning of a dark time for me as I would go on to have two additional losses (a stillbirth and another miscarriage) over the next two and a half years.  But at the time I wasn’t aware of what the future held (thank goodness for that).  My mind was only on the present sadness enveloping me.

As I reflected on the month of May and honoring our Blessed Mother, I found myself returning to thoughts of that first miscarriage.  The thing is, at the time of that miscarriage, I didn’t really have much of a devotion to Mary.  I wasn’t hung up at all worrying that a devotion to her might detract from my devotion to Christ.  It wasn’t that.  I just hadn’t ever bothered.  But I had a desire to seek a deeper relationship with her knowing that through her I would also deepen my relationship with her Son.

So really it came as something of a shock to me when in the days following the miscarriage I often had thoughts of Mary holding my little baby for me.  There she was in my mind’s eye wrapping that precious child in her loving arms.


Read the rest of the story over at Catholic Sistas.

7 Quick Takes Friday, vol. 40

~1~

Before the boys afternoon nap on Thursday, Peter had carried a small, plastic toy hammer up with him that I had put on their dresser.  So when I got them up a couple hours later, I handed the hammer to Ethan to occupy him while I changed him.  Peter, I discovered, is very attached to that hammer.  When I placed Ethan down on the floor Peter, who had already been changed and was on the other end of the room, spotted the hammer and made a beeline toward Ethan.  I could see his eyes fixed on that hammer.  Ethan meanwhile had no idea that the object he was crawling around with (clanging against the hardwood floor) was now the object of his brother's affection.  Just as Peter got within reach, Ethan innocently turned a different direction.  I laughed as I watched Peter stop while his eyes followed the movement of the hammer.  This happened a couple more times and was quite the site!!  Ethan was clueless.  So cute!!  Finally, Ethan decided to pull himself up on the changing table, but he had to let go of the hammer.  He put it up on the shelf, let go to pull himself up on his feet, and Peter made his move.  He reached up, grabbed the hammer, and crawled away.  The whole show was so funny!!  And to top it off, I don't think Ethan even realized that the toy hammer had disappeared.

~2~

Although I haven't been writing as much on the blog as I would like, I am still writing.  Just not here.  I recently put up my last interview on the blog that serves as an employee newsletter of sorts at my work.  Before leaving for my sabbatical I did several interviews for the series I was doing on "What we're Reading."  The last one is what I finally up called "What we're Reading: from Sonnets to Manga."  I really enjoyed doing this series and hope to continue doing it when I return to work in July.  It's been fun to talk to people who work in a library about what they are reading.

~3~

I also have posted a few new posts on my sabbatical project blog.  If you're interested in those, you can check it out at Music Recitals Project.  I wrote up a couple at the end of April and another one just yesterday.

~4~

I've also been working on some posts for Catholic Sistas (watch for one from me coming on Monday).  Do you read Catholic Sistas?  If so, we would love for you to come "like" our Facebook Fan Page.  And while you're at it, come follow Catholic Sistas on Twitter as well: Catholic_Sistas.  And, spread the word, please!!

~5~

I am so lucky!!  I have a great community around me!  Some friends of mine and I made plans for next week to have a girl's night out.  How many groups of friends plan to go out together and have the plans start with evening Mass?  I CAN NOT wait until next Wednesday!  So much so actually, that for most of THIS Wednesday I thought it was that night.  I was so disappointed when I realized I was a week off. 

And then I got a call this week from another friend.  She invited me to go with her to a MOMs group gathering.  This MOMs group is at our parish, but I have never attended.  I usually work, so it's not something I can attend.  Since being home on sabbatical I thought about it, but I haven't yet made room for it in our schedule.  But this was an evening thing!!  A gathering at a member's house to say a Rosary together followed by socializing.  That just sounds so wonderful to me!!  And I'd be able to meet other moms from our parish.  Unfortunately I realized that the night in question won't work for me.  Sad again!!  But I hope this group will do it again and I can have another chance to join them.

~6~

You know what is lacking from this blog?  Pictures!!!  I'm sure you're all wondering if I ever take pictures of my two boys.  Well, yes, I do.  The problem is getting them off my camera to use.  Actually, the problem is time.  I actually have several pictures on the camera that I'd love to share.  The boys are getting so big!  They are 11 months old now.  Where has the time gone??

~7~

Finally, a question for all of you married readers: Are you and your spouse involved in any ministries at your parish together?  Like both on the same committee or whatever?  I would like to become more involved in my parish again and would like to do it with my husband.  I have some ideas, but I'm curious what others do.  Pre-Cana classes?  NFP classes?  Something else?  Share in the comments, please!!

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at ConversionDiary.com.

Making Some Changes

I'm making changes, though probably not enough.  Sure, I need to lose weight which probably means getting rid of the remaining Easter candy and moving my body more.  And something has got to change with the nap schedule.  [Are we really moving to one nap a day ALREADY!?!?!]  It's getting hard to get any work done anymore!!  But those aren't the changes I'm making right now.

I've given the blog a slight face lift.  If you only read via a blog reader or RSS feed, click on over to see some of the new things I've added.  I kept the background the same but changed the layout a bit.  I also finally added "pages" to the top of the blog.  Hooray!!

Okay, so pages, or tabs, aren't completely new, but I don't think having just the one "Home" tab really counts as much.  Now I have two more.

One tab in particular will be a continual work in progress and I hope my readers will check it out and share more resources than what I've already listed.  It is labeled "Pregnancy Loss Resources."  It's a pretty small list right now because I know there are many more resources out there than what I've already listed.  But this is just the beginnings and mostly off the top of my head (and past my bedtime).  So more to come on that and I hope if you know of a good resource (particularly Catholic ones) you'll share it so I can add it to the list.

Wouldn't it be great to have a really good comprehensive list of resources on pregnancy loss, particularly from a Catholic standpoint, that is easy to share with someone?  I think so!!  It was the one thing I looked for after my first loss and never really found.  There is more out there now, thank goodness, but we still need a one-stop-shop.  I hope this can be one of those places.

Thank you, faithful readers, for following my blog and for any helpful resources you are willing to share to help others during times of pregnancy loss.  May God bless you abundantly.