The Non-Resolutions-In-Late-January Post

If you remember, I took a short break from blogging beginning at the end of November. It wasn't a complete break since I still added an occasional  post here and there and continued writing over at Catholic Sistas. The break was really a good way to just focus on other things for a while without feeling any pressure to keep something new and fresh going on here.

Plus ... well ... I just had a lot going on.

And I still have a lot going on. Somehow there is always something.

Regardless, I am picking up writing again when I can, but I liked not feeling like I had to write something. Not that I have any pressure from anyone but myself, but myself can be pretty demanding sometimes. Myself is learning to be less demanding and I am reconsidering what I want to use this blog for.

I want this blog to reflect more who I am. Yes, I did read Jen's post about being authentically yourself, but no that is not what inspired me to think about this. It was actually on my mind during my little blogging "break" in December and I spent a bit of time reflecting on that. Jen's post helped articulate what was already in my head and I so appreciated that because she is definitely more articulate than I am.

I don't yet have any plans for what I am doing next. But I have a lot of things in my life I want to work on. So I think for starters, while I am going to try and get back to blogging on a regular basis, my "schedule" may be a little less than it has been in the past. Not that I was even a daily poster anyway. I know it helps to post as regularly as possible, but I don't think my mission is to gain readers. So if you're here, great! I hope you stick around. If I get new readers over time, that's great too. I hope those who are here enjoy reading what I post. But I'm not going to be trying to be a "big time" blogger.

That's one thing that will help the pressure I tend to put on myself. As for everything else in my life ....

I'm not a fan of New Year's resolutions. I've done them in the past, they never last long. It's now the end of January anyway, so we're way past the period where everyone posts about how they are not making New Year's resolutions and instead doing x, y, or z, blah, blah, blah. So consider this my non-resolutions for the foreseeable future.

I have a new goal to be done with any sort of emailing, blogging, blog/internet reading, or Facebook time by 11 o'clock each night. I managed to do this for a short period in January and then I got sick and my desire to follow any self-imposed rules fell by the wayside. Whatcha goin' to do.

If I can do the above, I also plan on doing a little bit of reading from an actual book (or maybe the Kindle) before bed. The goal is about 5 pages or so from a good Catholic book. I also added a new tab at the top of the blog to my reading list for the year. Feel free to check it out.

Speaking of good Catholic books ... I am not looking for recommendations. Sorry. I actually have tons of good books that I've never read. I'll be lucky if I read 12 books this year and I guarantee I have more than that around the house. [Probably mostly still in boxes because we have nowhere to put books currently, but I'll figure that out as I go.]

I'm also taking a new look at what I'm choosing to read. I'm not anywhere near the spiritual level required to read some of the books that I have; books that were purchased because they looked so interesting and came so highly recommended. I'm being more realistic with myself. I get bogged down in some of those books. I need to take a step back and read something I'm going to get more out of, something that will lead me down the right spiritual path, something that will prepare me for higher levels of spiritual reading down the road. I think I'll be a lot more successful this way.

Finally, I need to get up when my alarm goes off in the morning (as opposed to an hour later) and spend at least 15-20 minutes in prayer. If I don't do it then I won't do it at all. I know, because I haven't. It's really a very simple solution to a problem I've been struggling with for a very long time. And yet, I can't seem to implement it.

These things are all works in progress. I think over the next year you'll see more posts on how I am progressing in this area and where I am struggling. It's a journey, I know we all have challenges on the journey and I welcome your thoughts and experiences in your similar struggles during the year.

And with that, I will say goodnight. Because it is already way past 11. C'est la vie!

Today on Catholic Sistas: Be Vigilant

I have a new post up today at Catholic Sistas. Once again I am using my background as a musician as a jumping off point in an attempt to make an analogy to the spiritual life. Here's a quick excerpt, see what you think:

Normally, I’m not a big fan of listening to Mass on the radio. Most of the time though I leave it on anyway and try to listen and get something out of the readings and the homily. Recently I left work early and when got in my car the mid-day Mass was just beginning. I almost turned the station but stopped instead as my ears listened carefully to the opening hymn being sung. I couldn't help but notice that as each verse was sung the tempo got slower and slower. By the end of the hymn it was dreadfully slow compared to where it had started.

As a musician I can tell you exactly why this happened. And it is very common. I bet we've all experienced it at some point. I've experienced this phenomenon at churches, in processions, in parades and on the football field (think marching band), and in large groups of singers with no leader to keep the tempo. Sound actually travels pretty slowly. It’s why you see the lightning before you hear the thunder (unless the storm is right over you). Without a leader or some sort of tempo-keeper singers and musicians start listening to each other. Because sound travels slowly, things start to slow down.

Go on over to Catholic Sistas to read the whole story.

Spiritual Productivity

We had an incredibly busy weekend!  On Sunday night I was exhausted and yet I couldn't remember what we had done or whether anything had been accomplished.  I was so tired I couldn't think straight.  Yet, as I layed in bed trying to shut my brain off so I could finally sleep, I was able to start reflecting on what the weekend had consisted of.  It was fairly productive afterall, though maybe not in the way we normally think of productivity.

Or maybe just not in the way I think of being productive.

I like to physically see something accomplished.  An empty hamper because the laundry has been washed, dried, folded, and put away.  An email inbox with very few unread messages.  A full recylcing bin because we've read the paper, magazines, and other publications we get.  A clean kitchen counter because the dishes are all washed and put away.  I could go on ... but you get the picture.

I like to see something.  Check it off the to-do list and see the empty/clean/whatever space around me.

This weekend, although I did do a little laundry and a few other things, most of the weekend's productivity was not visible in any material sense.

Saturday we went to a public rosary event.  Our bishop was leading the praying of the rosary that afternoon on a busy street (one of the busiest in town) near the only abortion clinic here.  We stood on a strip of median between the busy street and the access road, about twenty people or so.  Not a large crowd, but we represented all ages: small children (including our two 4 month olds), some older people, and all ages in between. 

It was wonderful to stand with so many like-minded people to pray.  A couple of men were also holding a big sign that faced the road.  Later I saw a picture of Our Lady of Fatima on it, but I never did get a chance to read what it said.  There were also several passers-by who honked their horns in support (I presume it was in support, they didn;t sound like angry honks).  The babies were both really good as well.  Peter was alert and staring at me the whole time.  Ethan got fussy at one point and I had to pick him up, but he was great after that.

Following the rosary we ran a couple errands.  It's funny walking through stores pushing a double carriage with two infant carriers attached.  People are always stopping to look, pointing the babies out to their children, or doing a double-take when they realize there is not just one baby, but two in the stroller. Some people even stop us to talk and ask questions.  It's something I'm slowly getting used to, but I'm not sure I'll ever be 100% comfortable with it.

Saturday evening I pulled out four candles for the Wave of Light for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  All four candles came from my church, two from the All Souls Day Mass the years that we lost Zachary and Brigit.  I don't remember how I acquired the other two.  They make the perfect candles for this event.  I really should have taken a picture of them.  Maybe next year.

Sunday was Mass, of course.  But later in the day I took both boys with me and went to the cemetery.  It had been a long, long time since I had been there.  I made sure to bring the grass clippers with me and it was a good thing too.  I couldn't even see Zachary's stone and Brigit's was barely visible.  The boys watched me as I cut away the grass and cleared the dampened, flattened grass clippings from the stones.  It had been a LONG time since I had visited.  I need to go more often.  The cemetery had also added a sign to the baby section, so now it is clear that the section is called "Gabriel's Tears."  I also walked around to visit the other babies.  I cleared some leaves off one of the stones and stood the two little plastic statues back up that were left there.  It is always so sad to see new stones; there were two new stones since the last time I visited.  Before leaving I said some prayers over Zachary and Brigit's graves while Ethan looked on (Peter was asleep by then).

Even though I did get some "productive" things done over the weekend, most of my productivity had more to do with more spiritual things.  A rosary for an end to abortion and the conversion of hearts through Our Lady of Fatima, lighting candles in memory of my children and the children other friends and family have lost, time spent caring for the gravesites of two of my children, and the care and feeding of the two children I have the priviledge of caring for in this life. 

Spiritual productivity may not have the same kind of satisfaction you can get from seeing things checked off a to-do list or seeing a clean space that once was messy, but it is so much better. 

And apparently even more exhausting!