7 Quick Takes, vol. 49

~1~

When did my babies become toddlers? Seriously, they walk, they climb up stairs, they talk babble a lot, they are starting to use some sign language, they can tell you what sound a fish makes, and they can point to their noses, ears, mouths, heads, and bellies. I'm amazed at the little persons they are becoming. And I love it! As much as I loved them as babies, I really do like seeing the tiny bits of independence starting to develop in them. So cool!!

And I'm going to have to get a video of the fish sounds, there are just no words to describe it.

~2~

And speaking of the boys and their cuteness ... Ethan suddenly has a great love for dogs. He is fascinated with them! I'm not sure where it came from. We do not have a dog. But he will make some sort of sound when you ask him what a dog says. He loves, loves, LOVES a book we have (thanks, Nanny!) called Doggies. Hubby isn't too fond of this book because it has no plot. Plot is important to Hubby, not so much to the almost 17 month old. There is a reason why the subtitle is "a counting and barking book." Just saying.

There is also a toy dog at daycare that Ethan always has with him when I get there in the afternoon. And he always puts it away in the basket before we leave. This boy loves dogs!!

I've already told Hubby that he's handling the "no, we aren't getting a dog" line when this boy is older and desperately wants a dog of his own.

~3~

This past Saturday was our anniversary. We've been married 5 years now! I can't believe it's been that long and yet, I also can't believe that it's only been 5 years! We celebrated with dinner on the  KY Dinner Train. It was a lot of fun and the food was really good. My foodie husband even said the food was good and it was worth doing again. And let me tell you, that is not a compliment he gives out readily! If you ever find yourself in that part of KY and you're looking for something nice to do, we'd recommend it.

~4~

I have had a very busy week and thus did not do any blogging. I'm hoping to remedy this situation next week. I like blogging if for no other reason than it gives me a chance to write and think out ideas. That didn't happen this week. But that's life, sometimes we have to let some things go in order to do other things. That was my week this week.

~5~

I just realized too that I still haven't done part 3 of my series on why I am pro-life. Oops! It really has been one of those weeks. If you haven't been following, check out part 1 here and part 2 over here. I promise part 3 will get published before too long. Really.

~6~

Halloween is next week! Already. Where did the time go? I went out earlier this week to find a costume for one of the boys (we had something already for one, just needed the other) and I was amazed at how difficult it was to find costumes. Do people buy their costumes as soon as the calendar hits October? I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I did see a Christmas shopping commercial on TV last night and it's not even November yet.

By the way, I was looking for a dog costume. Couldn't find one and didn't want to order something online. But I found something just as cute and the boy is too young to understand ... or care. At this age it's all for the parents anyway. And I'm okay with that.

~7~

Finally, I'd like to wrap up this post with a request for your prayers. I have two friends that could really use some extra prayers right now and for as long as you're willing to pray for them. Both have recently lost their spouse. Both deaths were completely unexpected. Both were way too young and leave behind very young children. One of my friends is now without her husband raising her twin 6 year old children. The other is now without his wife, raising his four boys ages 1-10, and looking for a different job, one that will allow him to be home with his family more than his current job does. Your prayers are greatly appreciated!

Have a nice weekend and go visit Jen at Conversion Diary for more Quick Takes!

The Timeline of Loss

I got together with a friend recently to talk about our shared grief as a result of pregnancy loss. This grief has been a part of my life since March 2008. For my friend, however, it is much more recently and she is still reeling from the pain. As we talked one thing kept coming up again and again: the thought that at some point we should be done with the grief and able to move on.

If you are also dealing with a similar loss you might be interested in what I told me friend. If you know someone who is dealing with a recent loss, you should also pay attention. Here's the thing ...

There is no timeline.

I have talked with men and women who still grieve their lost children years and years later. You will never forget the children who were with you for such a short period of time. The grief never completely goes away.  You will be reminded of your child every time you see a pregnant women who is roughly where you would be if you were still pregnant or anytime you see a child who is roughly the age your child would be had he or she lived.

But I'm here to reassure you that although those things stay with you, they do get easier. Eventually, it does get easier.

And most important, there is no timeline. Let yourself be reassured that the pain, grief, and sadness you are feeling is normal. Yes, completely normal. And you do not have to be "done" grieving by any arbitrary date or event in the future.

My friend found comfort in hearing me tell her that there is no timeline. That she can grieve for as long as it takes. That no one should expect her to be "over it" by any particular point (and if they do, they are not being supportive friends). That the grief can even come back hard at random times when she least expects it. And all of this is okay.

I think it was important for her to hear me say that I still grieve for my babies. My last loss was more than two years ago now and I have had a successful pregnancy since. And yet, I still miss my babies. The grief is still there, though different now.

Time really does heal. It does not make us forget. I for one do not want to forget. But time does heal. And everyone's timeline is different.

I hope this simple thought can be helpful and reassuring to others as well.

Image source: morgueFile

Witnessing to Life

This morning my husband, my two boys, and I joined with other friends to attend a Memorial Mass for a little child who left this life way too soon.  It was a beautiful Mass and I felt privileged to attend and be a witness for the sanctity of life.

Our friends struggled for several years with infertility.  They had prayed and discerned the road to adoption and had started the mounds of paperwork when they suddenly became pregnant.  Nine months later they welcomed into their lives an adorable little girl who, I might add, is as cute as a button.  Then this spring they became pregnant again.  Unfortunately, this pregnancy ended all too soon.  Through prayer, our friends both had strong feelings that this precious life that was lost was another girl.  With that they were able to name her and I absolutely love the name they picked: Rachel Philomena.

Today was all dedicated to Rachel Philomena.  The Mass was beautiful, the priest offered encouragement in his homily for us to all be united with Rachel in heaven one day, and in the intentions we prayed for all mothers who have experienced loss or are still waiting.

And then at the end of Mass, as the priest was processing out, many in the congregation started singing the first line of a Marian hymn that I now can't remember.  But no announcement was made, it seemed spontaneous to me (but I don't regularly attend this parish, so maybe this is the norm at daily Mass there?).  And it was perfect!  I started feeling a little teary thinking of Mary and baby Rachel and all the babies who lived such short lives before God brought them home to be with Him.

As many of us gathered in the lobby area of the church after Mass, my friend introduced the priest to a couple of us and told him that we all met through an infertility support group.  I then had to laugh at the thought.  Here we were, four women who had met through an infertilty support group yet there we stood: three of us with children and two of us pregnant.  We certainly didn't look like a group of infertile women!

But that's the beauty of this support group.  We have become friends and support each other in many ways. These women have been there for me during my losses, we have all prayed for each other in times of surgeries and failed adoptions, helped each other out through months of bed rest, supported each other during various attempts with fertility drugs, shots, and blood draws, commiserated over doctors who don't understand the Catholic position, and we come together in many ways to celebrate successes but also to grieve and mourn with each other.  I really couldn't ask for a better group of friends.

And so today, we all came together to witness to the life of Rachel Philomena.  Little Miss Rachel represents many hopes and dreams for all of us.  We have all prayed endlessly for children and God has heard those prayers, but sometimes those prayers are answered in ways we don't expect.  Rachel's short life may be insignificant to some, but not to us.  We know that her life was important and cherished just as much as any child.  Her life stands as a witness to all of us that every life in the womb is cherished and should be welcomed into the world no matter the circumstances or how long or short that life may be.

And with a name like that, she has some pretty powerful intercessors to guide her in praying for all of us still here in this world.  I feel privileged that I was able to be a part of today's Mass and to be a witness for the sanctity of life as proclaimed to us through Rachel Philomena and her amazing parents.

Another with the Sistas

I had not planned on writing two posts for Catholic Sistas this week, but due to unexpected circumstances I jumped in to help someone out.  I had originally started writing this piece for this blog, but when I offered to help out it became a post for Catholic Sistas instead.

I'm starting to lean more toward writing about pregnancy loss again and this post takes on that topic.  So for those who have found my blog while searching for information on miscarriage, stillbirth, or pregnancy loss, I encourage you to go check out this post with the Sistas:

Easter Teaches us Hope, Even During Times of Loss

Four Years Later: A Reflection

Four years ago on this date I was a little over 8 weeks pregnant with our first baby.  We were so happy and enjoying our secret joy for a little while longer before we told our families and friends.  That all changed around 10 or 11 that night when I started spotting.

A lot can happen in four years.  I had no idea on that night four years ago just how much more pain and anxiety, excitement and hopefulness my husband and I would go through.  On the night of March 31, 2008 I don't think I would have wanted to know even if I could.

It's interesting, really.  I remember questioning God's will so, so much at various times during the last four years.  Why did we continue to lose children?  Why were my cycles not returning?  Why could my body not maintain a pregnancy?  Did God have other plans for us that did not include having children?  If so, what were they and when was He going to let us in on His Plan?

Going through a pregnancy loss is like nothing I have ever dealt with in the past.  Death is a part of life, but it isn't supposed to happen before that life gets a chance to live.  Knowing that your baby has died is incredibly painful.  And then to have to go through the physical pain on top of it adds even more to the burden already on your heart.  No woman, no mother, should ever have to go through this.

I have been asked several times how I ever got through this three times.  Honestly, I don't know.  Perhaps having a strong faith in God and knowing that He wants only good for us, His children, has helped me.  But I can't say that for certain.  In the midst of those loss experiences, my thoughts were not nearly that deep.  It is only with distance and reflection that I can start to have even the smallest amount of imagination as to what carried me through.

Today as I remember that very first loss, I remember the physical pain I experienced, I remember the love and support that was showered on us, and I remember the emotional pain and confusion over the whole thing, I am also thinking of a dear friend who is experiencing all the same physical pain, emotional pain, confusion, and hopefully love and support in the here and now.  I'm heart broken for her, her family, and the child that they will never get to welcome into their family.  There are some experiences that are fun to share with friends.  This is definitely not one of them and I hate that my friend and I now share this common pain.

So today, as I think of my little saint, little Casey Marie, I pray for healing for my friend and her family.  I appreciate your prayers for us on this day, but I ask for your prayers for Baby T and the T family.  Although four years and two children later doesn't change my grief over that first loss, the T family needs many prayers right now as they deal with this grief that is still so fresh and new.

Weekend Doings

We have had a very busy past few days.  Very busy!  Here's the quick rundown:

Thursday I dropped the boys off at their daycare and then hit the road to drive north to Indianapolis.  Arrived just in time to have lunch with three other librarians and then get to our 1pm committee meeting.

The rest of Thursday and Friday was conference stuff for me.  I love getting to spend a few days with other music librarians and be able to talk to people who understand!

Hubby got to pick up the boys Thursday evening and take care of all their needs Thursday evening and Friday morning.  One of his sisters came to stay the night on Friday night, so he had some extra help then, which I know he appreciated.

Saturday morning, Hubby got the boys in the car and he and his sister left at 4:30am to head north to Indiana.  We all met about an hour and a half north of Indianapolis for his grandmother's funeral.  I'm so proud of my husband for all the work I know it took to travel four and a half hours with two babies.  Actually, it was longer than four and half hours, that's what it would be without stops.  They had to stop obviously, but they still did very well.

Following the funeral, there was a luncheon and then we headed back to his grandmother's house to  change the babies one last time before hitting the road again.  Sister stayed to come back with her parents on Sunday, so it was just Hubby and I in separate cars traveling back.  We stayed together the whole time with the exception of about a half hour or so when we got separated at the bridge over the Ohio River which included changing highways as well. 

By the way, Cracker Barrel has the coolest chairs for infant seat carriers.  Plus they have a lot more space in their baby changing areas than most places do.  Regular stops at this establishment are definitely in our future.

While at the luncheon after the funeral we got a phone call from the realtor's office.  Someone wanted to see the house that afternoon!!  You can imagine that with everything else, the house was not in shape for viewing.  We asked that the prospective buyers choose another day.  I hate doing that, I always fear we'll lose a potential buyer.

Then Sunday at about 2:45pm we got the call again.  They wanted to come see the house at 4:15.  We scrambled and managed to get the house in order and cleaned in an hour!  One hour!!  We had to listen to the boys scream the whole time, but we got it done, got everything we needed for the boys into the car, and we left to go hang out at the mall.  Phew!!  That was an incredible feat.

Coming up, there's Halloween on Monday (we live on a very popular street) and then All Saints Day on Tuesday.  We haven't figured out which Mass we will go to on Tuesday.

I'm looking forward to Wednesday.  ::smile::

7 Quick Takes Friday, vol. 30

~1~

Last week in my Quick Takes post I bragged that Peter had rolled over for the first time.  But then he didn't do it again for several days.  But by Monday or Tuesday he started doing it again.  I now find him on his tummy almost every morning when I go to get him up.  He's also rolled over while at daycare and a couple times while on the floor in our family room.  I think I've only seen him actually roll over once, generally I'm not in the room or happen to look away just when he goes over.  Ethan isn't trying yet, but he is starting to get on his side, so he's probably not far behind.

~2~

I had to share a picture of my boys.  They are 20 weeks old now.  Aren't they cute in their matching polo shirts!!



Peter on left, Ethan right

~3~

Okay, one picture isn't enough!  I thought they looked so cute in these thermal long-johns I had to take a picture.





Peter on left, Ethan right

~4~

We had our first blow-out in the bath tub this week.  Ugh, what a mess!!  It's one thing to have them pee in the tub, but ... ewwww.  Can I realistically hope that this won't happen again??  Yeah, I know ... probably not.

~5~

A miracle has happened!!  Seriously!  The job posting for the staff position in my unit has been posted as of today.  Every time this position has been open I have to wait several months just to get the approval for it to be filled and then there is usually another couple weeks before it gets posted.  This time??  It's being posted a whole 14 DAYS since my former staff member left.  You see why I say this is a miracle!

Know someone who has some library experience (and has some kind of music background) who might be interested in a job??  It's only open for a week.  Click on that link to see more.  Position comes with an awesome supervisor!!

~6~

I would like to ask here for your prayers.  Hubby's grandmother passed away overnight sometime between Wednesday and Thursday this week.  She was 95.  Your prayers for the repose of her soul would be much appreciated as well as for my husband's family as they deal with the loss of their mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother.  She is survived by two children, six grandchildren, and 12 great-grandchildren with another on the way.  She was preceeded in death by her husband, a daughter who died in infancy, and 7 or 8 more great-grandchildren.  Thank you for your prayers.

~7~

I'll be traveling next week for a conference which also happens to be not too far from where my husband's grandmother lived and where the memorial mass/service will be held.  I'm not sure when services will be held, but it'll probably be during the same time that my conference takes place.  So I'll be missing a day of the conference and my husband will probably drive up to meet me.  Not sure what we'll do with the boys.  We could take them with us ... well, Hubby would be the one traveling with them, but we're not yet prepared for a long trip with them.  We were hoping to have a mini-van before Christmas which we thought would be our first long trip with the boys.  Regardless, we're just waiting to hear what the plans are before we try and figure out what we're going to do. 

Most likely I will not be doing a 7 Quick Takes next week.  Actually, it's not "most likely," I really should say that it won't happen.  Thanks again for your prayers.

For more Quick Takes check out Conversion Diary.