Is There a Disconnect Between NFP and Children at Mass?

There was a great article on Catholic Sistas this week that you must go read. Seriously, go and read it now and then come back here for my thoughts: NFP - Long Term Promises.

Did you read the article? Go ahead, I can wait.

When I first read this article I was blown away by the basic premise of this post. Basically that there is a disconnect in the Church between those who practice NFP and are open to life and those who think the Mass should be quiet and child-free. This is the main idea I took away from this article The article was not primarily about the people in Mass who give a young family the "stink eye" when a small toddler makes a noise or a baby whimpers for a moment or some small child lets out an unexpected scream. The author of the article wasn't even complaining about anyone commenting directly to her or her family about anything her kids were doing.

What was interesting to me though was that the majority of the comments focused on things like "ignore those people who give you the stink eye" or something similar. Not all the comments, but quite a few.

It seems to me that the actually point of the article was missed by many readers.

I agree with this post and I'm going share with you why. First, there is what the Church teaches. We teach an openness to life, we teach against contraception, and we teach that couples who have discerned that they need to postpone or avoid pregnancy can use Natural Family Planning (NFP). That's what we teach, plain and simple.

What the Church teaches and what the people actually do are two different thing. It's no surprise to anyone that a great majority of our fellow Catholics do not follow the teachings of our Church. It's incredibly sad and disappointing.

Another problem we encounter is the culture of death right in our own pews. The "culture of death" is so pervasive in our society that even among faithful Catholics the idea of having more than two children is crazy talk. I'm not saying that every couples needs half a dozen children or more. Only that we should be open to God's plan for us and not listen to the culture around us. Many couples who are open to God's plan will only have one or two children, others will have more. It's not the number of children that matters, it's being open to God's will and not our own. But because of the "culture of death" that has made it's way into our collective subconscious, people in general have developed an impatience with the normal chatter of children, even when it's quiet chatter.

Finally, and this is where I believe the article above really hits the nail on the head, we need more support for those couples who are following the Church's teaching and who are open to God's will for their family in terms of family size (whether they are practicing NFP or leaving their family size up to God's providence).

In my particular Catholic community (not just my parish, but the Catholic community I am in my city which has about 7 or 8 parishes), I see a lot of promotion of NFP. It's a diocesan requirement now in marriage prep to take an NFP course. It's often in the bulletin, it's talked about on our local Catholic radio stations, and there are many people I know personally who practice some form of NFP. We have a pretty large pro-life support in the community as well. All of these are great things. What I don't really see is ongoing support for couples who practice what the Church actually teaches.

We need more ongoing support for couples who humble themselves to follow Christ's teaching in His Holy Church. Jesus said "Let the children come to me." I hope we can grow as a Church to include children at all levels. They should be in Mass with their cries and whimpers and constant whispering because Jesus wants them there (and yes, there are also valid reasons for using the nursery/cry room, I'm not saying you can't take advantage of that option if you have it and need it).

And others in the pews around those young families need to remember that those children are our future. They are the future of the Church. Without them, there will be no Church. We need our children in Mass. We need them to start learning about the Mass from a young age so they will become more engaged as they get older.

For those in the pews around these young families, give them a smile when their kids acts up. Try to remember those days when your own children did the same. Give them encouragement after Mass to keep bringing their children. Don't tell them to take their kid out or to go to the cry room, most parents know when they need to do that, they don't need someone else telling them.

Most importantly, we need to encourage parents to bring their kids to Mass. If they get the "stink eye" one too many times or have some stranger near them in the pews tell them they should leave their kids in the nursery or take them to the cry room, the message they are getting is that children aren't welcome. That they need to limit the number of children they have or not bring them to Mass. Imagine if that young couple was coming back to the Church for the first time in years. Do you think they are likely to come back?

Would Jesus like that? I don't think so. If we want to encourage a culture of life throughout the entire Church, we need to be open and welcoming of children at Mass. And we need to provide support for those parents who are in the throws of those early childhood years.

I know, I have two toddlers, both two years old. In five months (God willing!) I will have three kids under three. But we'll be taking them to Mass with us and sitting in one of the first few pews every Sunday. Don't give me the stink eye, because I'll just send it back at you!

Let's close the disconnect between teaching NFP/encouraging couples to use NFP and the attitude of completely quiet, well-behaved children or no children at Mass. We need ongoing NFP support for couples who want to be encouraged to keep on keeping on. Until we combat the culture of death infringing its way into our Church, we are going to have a tough time overcoming the poor attitudes toward children that many parents run into on a regular basis.

Does your parish offer some sort of support for young parents? How does it encourage an openness to the culture of life?

A New Spin on Eating your Vegetables

I was cleaning up after lunch today, wet rag in my hand, wiping off the table. Hubby had just finished wiping the boys off and getting them down from their seats. And that's when the following conversation ensued.

Me: Chris, come get your son, he's eating off the floor.

Hubby: Well, that's the only way he's going to eat any vegetables.

There wasn't anything I could say in response to that, because he's right. Vegetables on the plate or tray are apparently not nearly as good as vegetables on the floor.

Things I Never Thought I'd Say

Life with toddlers ... not much explanation needed. Tuesday at dinner I found myself saying:

"Stop dancing on the spinach."

7 Quick Takes Friday, vol. 47

~1~

Just before leaving for our vacation I learned that I had won a book from a giveaway the amazing Sarah Reinhard had up on her blog. I was so excited because I never win anything! The book is The Universal Monk by John Michael Talbot and I'm looking forward to reading it. I even told Sarah that maybe I'd do a review here in this space. We shall see. 

~2~

On our vacation we had a little stowaway. His name is Flat Cat and he managed to get a couple pictures of himself:

Here he is on the beach.

And another on our balcony. Lovely view!

~3~

Flat Cat also met some nice opponents on his travels:

Flat Cat and a kind UT fan

Hanging out with Cocky

~4~

This has been the weirdest week. It has gone by fast while at the same time it felt like it was just creeping along. Getting back from vacation and going right to work first thing the next morning has been rough. We still haven't been food shopping and several bags are still sitting around in the foyer waiting to be put away. Usually nothing sits for more than a day or two. We're going on five days here. That's a lot for me!! So in that respect it's been a slow week as I try to plug along and make it to a day when I can get home stuff done. Yet at the same time I kept thinking it was a day later than it actually was. Wednesday felt like Thursday, Thursday felt like Friday. Maybe that was wishful thinking. So glad it is finally Friday now!

~5~

So someone **coughLynncough** asked me for video of the boys walking. Need proof?? LOL! No worries, I wanted to anyway so I could remember the cute balance-walking from this age. After several takes I finally got one that has both boys doing some walking. Sorry for the motion of the camera, I'm still new at videography.

~6~

So now that the boys are walking and both convertible car seats are in the car, I have no infant carrier any longer to carry one of them into daycare with. It's been interesting, to say the least. The stairs are the biggest challenge. Once I get them both out of the car I usually carry Ethan and hold Peter's hand so he can walk beside me. If I'm parked right near the door I'll let both of them walk to just inside. But once inside we have a flight of stairs. One morning this week I had Ethan in my arms and Peter walking beside me. He's pretty good at climbing the stairs on his hands and knees, so I was going to let him do that. But he was holding my hand and wouldn't let go. Next thing I know he's trying to step up the first stair!! Being that I only had one hand available and he seemed certain that if he could walk he could walk up stairs (!!), it took some effort to keep him upright. Next thing I know his little body is swinging around on one foot as a pivot point. It took all my strength to not drop Ethan and keep Peter balanced so he didn't fall. Not to mention trying to keep myself from laughing at the sight of Peter swinging around on one foot!

Finally, he managed to get both feet on the ground and I was able to get my hand loose from his grasp. I scooped him up by the waist and carried him the rest of the way up.

Lesson learned: Do not let little boy think he is suddenly capable of taking on stairs like a big person!

~7~

One last thing. I may have mentioned to a few people that I was going to be on the local Catholic radio station again today. The topic this time was going to be the USC vs. UK game which is Saturday. [Yes, it is a Catholic radio station.] But due to some unexpected circumstances there was a change in plans. So instead I'll be on next Friday. I'm sure we'll still discuss the game, but since it will be a past event at that point, I'm not sure if that is all we'll talk about or not. So stay tuned. I'll share more here if I get any further information between now and then. In the meantime: GO GAMECOCKS!!

For more 7 Quick Takes, check our Jen Fulwiler's blog Conversion Diary.

Frequently Asked, Never Answered

St. Benedict and his twin
sister St. Scholastica

I'm often asked some variation on the question:

How much harder is handling twins than handling one?

I put any question that is remotely related to this one in the same category. My honest answer: I have no idea.

Truly. I have no idea. Because I don't know any different. I can imagine, but that isn't reality because I haven't been there. Those conversations are always so funny. Not just to me, but also to the person I'm speaking with. I think people are so fascinated by twins that they ask this (or something similar) of me and then realize what they have asked me. You know the feeling, right? As soon as the words leave your mouth you think, "Duh!" I know, believe me! I do it frequently. So of course we all end up getting a big laugh out of it.

However if I were to imagine life with twins after a singleton I would have to say that yes, I think handling twins would feel more challenging. I have a friend who has a son and is currently pregnant with twins. I may have to ask her and then start using her answers when I get this question. But for me, this is just what life with kids has always been like, there has always been two of them.

When I did that local radio interview a few months back one of the questions I was asked was my advise for someone having twins. It's not exactly the same question, but sort of a close cousin to it. I feel like I tripped over the question a bit and my mind blanked for a second. The only thing that popped into my head was being organized. It felt silly saying it and I think my interviewer was a little lost on how to follow up on that one. I don't blame him, I would be too. Heck, he has seven kids, he and his family probably need more organization than I do with my two. But what can you do. Radio. Live. No editing. There you have it.

Here's the thing, though. I have no advise. Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm lame. But honestly, I am just like any first time mom. I truly know nothing. I'm learning as I go. And really, I'm discovering, that is what parenthood is all about. Yep, just one big trial and error. It's a miracle kids can grow up to be normal adults at all.

So in the end, I never answer this question. I can't answer this question, though I know some people who can or will be able to one day. I'm happy to direct you to those individuals. ::smile::

The question I would love to answer for you one day: What is it like having one after having twins? One day, hopefully, God will gift us with the ability to answer that question.

Just not quite yet. I'm still enjoying my two.

7 Quick Takes Friday, vol. 45

~1~

We have a stander! One of the boys has started standing for a few seconds at a time. He doesn't always get his balance right away and falls on his butt. But other times he manages to balance himself enough to stay standing for just a few seconds. I find it amazing to see him stand completely on his own. He seems so unsteady, not balanced at all, and yet there he is ... standing.

Now walking ... I think it'll still be some time. But it's coming! Watch out world!

~2~

And while we're on the subject of babies, I have to report our recent successes in the food arena. First, both boys will now take and hold their bottles on their own. Thank you, Lord, my life has gotten infinitely better! Peter took to it pretty quickly, Ethan had a harder time. He'd eventually take the bottle from us and hold it himself, but when we first gave it to him he just broke down into hysterical sobbing until one of us picked it up and held it for him until he was ready to take it (which was usually half way through the bottle, plus he couldn't get the last ounce or so on his own either, so essentially, we were still holding it for him for most of the time). But now! Oh, wow! Now we can just place the bottles on their trays and they take care of it themselves! Seriously, with two of them, this truly makes a huge difference in my life!

Second, they are starting to use a spoon. Sort of. We still put food on the spoon for them and hand it to them and hover over them as they attempt to put it in their mouth, but they are doing it. Peter is funny with it. He loves holding his own spoon and has become quite adept, i.e. I don't hover quite as much. He takes the spoon from us, eats the food off of it, and then throws it on the table so we can fill it back up for him. I know I shouldn't laugh because I certainly don't want to encourage that behavior, but it is so hard. I find it hilarious!

~3~

On a totally different note, I recently discovered a new blog and I love it already. You must check out The Breadbox Letters. I love the art work she uses in her posts and the quotes she finds from a variety of saints, not to mention the reflective pieces she writes which are very insightful. After reading less than a dozen posts on this blog I'm already hooked. I really loved this post, Be Led Gently, which quotes St. Teresa of Avila. It's beautiful. If you're looking for a blog that can be inspiring, has beautiful pictures, and is a quick read, check this one out. 

~4~

Hubby got a new computer recently. Finally! His old one was soooooooo slow. I hated using it. Of course, all our picture software is on his computer which is one of the reasons I don't post pictures as much as I would like to. But now it'll be so much faster. Yay! I think he finally has everything transferred over and the picture software is ready to go. I just looked through the pictures on my camera and realized I never posted the cute-as-can-be pictures of the boys in their sneakers. They are coming! I promise! I can't tell you how many times the people at their daycare tell me how cute the boys are in their little sneakers. Pictures coming soon!!

~5~

In addition to this Quick Takes post, I also compiled a Quick Takes post for Catholic Sistas for today. It's another interview with one of our ink slinger. A fellow Kentuckian, too, though we've never met in person. Go check it out. It's a fun post. 

~6~

Have you checked out my new Saturday Smiles link-ups I've been hosting? So far I have one follower participating, but I'd love to see more. And spread the word too. It's super easy. It's a great opportunity to reflect on the week and write about something, anything, that made you aware of God in your life that week. Write up a post and then post the link on my Saturday link-up. I've made it easy by putting in the inlinkz widget too. I hope you'll come join me on Saturday!

~7~

I hope everyone has a great weekend! I'm excited to be spending it with my family. I'll get to meet my new niece, see a cousin I haven't seen in a few years, hopefully catch up with some old high school friends, and meet up with some online friends for the first time. I can't wait!

For more Quick Takes, check out Conversion Diary.

Another Week+ in the Books

It has been busy in our household lately.  LOTS going on these days.

First off, last week the boys had a birthday and got to have a cupcake for the first time:

Not quite sure what to do with it

They also got a red wagon from Nanny and Papa:

Enjoying the new wagon with Papa

And little ride-on trains from Grandma and Grandpa:

Checking out the new trains, they make lots of fun noises!

Birthday parties are fun.  But try having one with 40 extra people in your house and two babies who are in a "stranger anxiety" phase.  Phew!!  Those poor boys didn't know what was going on.  (It was fun though, for us!)

Then over last weekend my brother and his girlfriend got engaged!!  Add another wedding to our family calendar!  Right now my sister is getting married next May and now we'll have a second wedding sometime after that.  We are all excited and happy for them!

Monday I spent all morning with the phone by my side waiting to hear the news that I had a new niece or nephew.  My other sister was having her third c-section that morning.  It was the first of her three kids where I wasn't sitting in the waiting room with everyone else.  I'm used to missing things like this because of the distance I live away from them, but this one I had really wanted to be there.  So it made me kind of sad that I couldn't be.  I finally got the call around noon or so and learned I had a new niece.  And she's so cute!!  Looks just like her older sister.

On top of an engagement and a new baby, my dad officially retired (for the second time) on Tuesday.

It was a big few days for my family!

On Wednesday the boys went for their 12 month appointment.  Overall they are healthy, got one shot, got some medication for eczema, and mom got a boost of reassurance that she's still doing this mothering thing okay.

(And really, that reassurance is the most important part of why we take our kids to the doctor, right?  Or is that just me?  Don't answer that.)

Quick stats: Peter is 19 pounds (b/t 10th-25th percentile) and 29 inches (25th percentile).  Ethan is 19 pounds 6 ounces (25th percentile) and 28 1/8 inches (10th percentile).  My small kids have big heads though (not surprising given my family genes).  At 47 cm (Ethan) and 46 1/2 cm (Peter), they are both in the 75th percentile.  LOL!!!

Thursday I finished my annual column for my professional journal and submitted it to my editor.  DONE!!!  I always hesitate pushing that "send" button in my email.  Is it really done?  Did I proof it enough?  Should I go back and check all my numbers and math again for the eleventybillionth time?  (And yes, that is a word, don't go looking it up.)

Also on Thursday we had new cabinets put in our kitchen on a few blank wall spaces.  I have a few before and after pictures, but they are still on my camera.  So I'll save those for another post.

Thursday night and into the early hours of Friday morning I banged my head furiously against the keyboard published another submission on Catholic Sistas.  Check it out, our debut post into the 7 Quick Takes fun.  Our creator wanted to join the 7 Quick Takes series but didn't have a clear vision for it, so I threw out some ideas and ended up with the assignment.  It was fun.  I took a poll of all the contributors and posted the results.  A fun way to get to know the blog's writers.  And watch for more (not every Friday though).

Friday was an important day!  It was the day of the Stand up for Religious Freedom Rallies held all across this great nation.  The boys and I attended the one in our town and we had a great turnout.  I heard later that day that there were approximately 275 people there.  I saw lots of people I knew and heard some great speakers.  The boys did great for the hour and a half we stood downtown in the sun.  They were comfy in their stroller with the shade up, but it was still hot.  I fed them cheerios and then rolled the stroller back and forth and they eventually fell asleep.  Very proud of my sons for attending their first political protest rally at just a year old!

The boys chilling out at the rally.
*Photo courtesy of Cindy Olson (c) 2012*

Following the rally and the walk back to the car (I was parked several blocks away in a University employee lot I located on a map that morning, the closest one I could find to downtown) I was HOT!  The boys were sleeping and I wanted to listen to a radio interview that was going to start in about 15 minutes.  Solution: pack everyone into the car, drive to Dairy Queen, hope the boys fall asleep, and listen to the interview in the car.

And that's what I did.  I went through the drive-thru and then sat in the car in their parking lot, AC on full blast, and listened to a friend do an interview on a nationally broadcast program on Relevant Radio.  It was a good interview too.  The creator of the blog Catholic Sistas was being interviewed.  It was fun to listen and I laughed at the callers who called in with questions.  Their names and places they were from clued me in that they were all contributors as well.  You can still listen to the interview by clicking here and choosing one of the links for June 8.  Martina did great!  Go listen if you have time.  No, not "if", I take that back: find time and listen!  That's an order!

Some friends I hadn't seen in a while were back in town for a short visit.  So they stopped by on Friday afternoon and visited for a bit.  It was fun to see them and to see how much their three boys have grown!

That pretty much concluded our busy week.  The boys are home with me one more week and then they start daycare the following week.  I go back to working full-time in the office two weeks later.  Which means two weeks of working full-time at home with no interruptions.  Hopefully I can concentrate on work and not get distracted by running an errand or cleaning something I know needs cleaning or folding a load of laundry that I had done the night before, etc.

If you've made it all the way to the end of this novel of a post, thanks for reading!  Have a great weekend!

7 Quick Takes Friday, vol. 33

~1~

The boys are doing really well!  They had a doctor appointment earlier this month, 6 month well visit.  They are both progressing well and are very close together in all their measurements.

Peter, 6.5 months

Peter weighed 15 pounds and 4.8 ounces, 10th percentile for his age.  He is also 26 inches long, which is in the 25th percentile.  Pretty good!  I'm pretty sure his stats at his earlier appointments were all in the 5th-10th percentile ranges.  His head is 43 and a half centimeters, which is in the 50th-75th percentile range. Oh my!!  He definitely gets his head size from my side of the family!

Ethan, 6.5 months

Ethan weighed 15 pounds and 5.2 ounces.  Basically the same, only four tenths of a difference from his brother.  Obviously he's in the same percentile range as Peter.  Length-wise he's 25 and a quarter inches, only 3/4 of an inch smaller and yet that puts him in the 5th percentile.  It's amazing what a difference of less than an inch does.  His head is exactly the same as Peter's.  My boys have big heads.  That does not surprise me in the least.  

~2~

Just before Thanksgiving we bought a mini-van.  When we did we did not trade in Hubby's car.  Instead he decided to sell it himself.  He had some leads that didn't work out so finally he put it up on Craig's List.  Within the first 24 hours we had several inquiries.  He made arrangements with someone to come check out the car last Sunday.  Just before they came over, he went to move the car into the driveway and it wouldn't start!  We've never had an issue with the car.  Never!!  He figured it was the battery and told the person who showed up to look at it that he would replace it and let them know so they could come test drive it later.  I was convinced that they wouldn't be back.  But Hubby replaced the battery that day, the potential buyers came back, test drove it, made an offer, and we made the deal!  Monday Hubby took care of the paperwork and when I got home from work that evening the car was gone.  Yay!!

We were so excited to once again sell something on Craig's List quickly!!  Maybe we should put the house on there!

~3~

Speaking of selling the house, our Christmas decorations are minimal this year.  And since we're also traveling south for Christmas we decided not to put the tree up.  However, we have a faux ficus tree in our bedroom that became a temporary alternate Christmas tree while I was wrapping gifts:

2011's temporary "Christmas" Tree

~4~

The boys got out a lot this week.  The bank and the mall with Dad on Monday and then a few parties, errands, and visits with me the rest of the week.  And I should note here that we are finally getting on a nap schedule!!  So with all the trips we have done this week, I've been trying to be in the car when they are tired since they fall asleep anyway.  It makes it easy.  Wednesday worked great!!  When they started getting tired and were ready for a morning nap, I got them in the car and we headed out to my in-law's.  We got there a little over an hour later with two well-rested babies and just in time for lunch.  They were great for a couple hours, got to eat, and then when afternoon nap time approached we headed back home.  It was perfect!

~5~

I had a girl's night out on Wednesday evening.  It was one of the best ever.  And the reason why??  One word: chocolate!!  We met at a friend's house.  Our meal was small, just a simple salad, some meatballs, and goat cheese and pita bread.  It was all yummy.  Oh, and wine, of course!!  But the main part of our gathering was really dessert: chocolate fondue.  We had marshmallows, fruit, pretzels, angel food cake, and some little cookies.  Our hostess's husband also made some chocolate Oreo truffles for us that were amazing.  Chocolate, wine, and good friends!  Doesn't get much better than that.

~6~

I must take a moment to share something serious.

Last week a friend of a friend decided to abort her 20 week baby after a prenatal test showed the baby had Downs Syndrome.  Many, many, MANY friends prayed all weekend for this mom and her baby.  She originally had an appointment last Friday that was cancelled because she was too far along; she was rescheduled for Monday.  She had offers from friends to pay her medical bills and many offers from people willing to adopt the baby.  Lots of prayers went up over the weekend, no word Monday, more prays from countless people, still no update Tuesday ... we all continued praying that she didn't go through with it.  Wednesday we finally got an update.  It was not good news.  Please pray for this mother: she needs prayers as she is in the hospital now with excessive bleeding.  And continued prayers for her as the emotional impact hits her later.

Today about 90% of babies diagnosed with Downs Syndrome are aborted.  Unfortunately, the tests are not 100% conclusive.  I discovered from friends as we all prayed for this girl that many of them had been given Downs diagnoses for their babies only to have the baby born without Downs.  Downs children can live very joyful, healthy lives and bring lots of joy to those around them.  There is also a very long wait list of parents waiting to adopt Downs Syndrome babies.  Abortion is never the answer, it just ends the life of an innocent child.

Please include this mother (because she is a mother whether she accepts that or not) in your prayers.  And please also pray for the little baby girl who is now in Heaven embraced by our Blessed Mother and surrounded by the Father's love.

~7~

Finally, I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas.  I hope you get to spend the holiday with loved ones.  I would like to invite anyone who has not been to church in a while, who has fallen away from their Catholic faith, or who has never attended a Catholic Mass and is interested in Catholicism to come to Mass on Christmas.  The Midnight Mass is wonderful, but if it isn't feasible for you most churches will have several Christmas Eve Masses and will offer at least one or more Masses on Christmas Day.  To find out what Mass times are available at a Catholic Church near you go to www.masstimes.org.  

And if you have been away from the Church for a while, I invite you to give it a try again and make the steps to come back as a regular attendee.  You can find a whole bunch of resources to help you in your journey back home to the Church at www.catholicscomehome.org.

May your celebration of the birth of Our Lord and Savior be a joyful one.  Merry Christmas!

For more Quick Takes, visit Jennifer Fulwiler over at Conversion Diary.

Busy, Crazy, Crazy-busy

Last week went by way too fast.  I know I don't post on a regular basis, but I do usually try to get a Friday Quick Takes post in.  I like that it keeps me writing something, even when I have a busy week.  Last week was definitely busy!!  Suddenly it was Friday, I was walking to my office, and realized that Quick Takes was the last thing on my mind.

Oh well, it happens.  Moving on ...

I'm looking at another crazy-busy week this coming week.  Unfortunately that may mean no posts again.  But I hope that won't be the case.  I have so much I want to write about!!

I may be getting a very early start on my week.  The boys were a handful tonight.  They were obviously tired, but fighting it.  So we had to endure a lot of crying and unhappiness.  Suddenly during dinner they fell asleep.  Ethan was sitting in his highchair crying and suddenly he went silent.  It was so sudden I turned to look at him and was surprised to find him sound asleep.  Ah, to be able to fall asleep like that!!

Peter had been in his rocker chair and was being so fussy that Hubby finally picked him up and had him in his lap while he was eating.  Right after Ethan had zonked out, Peter's eyes started drooping.  He fell asleep on Hubby's lap!

We let them nap a bit, Ethan in his highchair and Peter was moved to a blanket on the floor.  They woke up about 30 minutes later.  A quick change, two bottles made, two babies fed, and they went right to bed.

I don't think we've ever put them down before 8pm.  But I couldn't deal with any more tonight.  So off they went.  I'm expecting them to wake me up at 6am tomorrow morning.

If so, it will probably be a good thing.  I need an early start for this coming week.  It'll definitely be a busy, crazy, and crazy-busy week!!

Spiritual Productivity

We had an incredibly busy weekend!  On Sunday night I was exhausted and yet I couldn't remember what we had done or whether anything had been accomplished.  I was so tired I couldn't think straight.  Yet, as I layed in bed trying to shut my brain off so I could finally sleep, I was able to start reflecting on what the weekend had consisted of.  It was fairly productive afterall, though maybe not in the way we normally think of productivity.

Or maybe just not in the way I think of being productive.

I like to physically see something accomplished.  An empty hamper because the laundry has been washed, dried, folded, and put away.  An email inbox with very few unread messages.  A full recylcing bin because we've read the paper, magazines, and other publications we get.  A clean kitchen counter because the dishes are all washed and put away.  I could go on ... but you get the picture.

I like to see something.  Check it off the to-do list and see the empty/clean/whatever space around me.

This weekend, although I did do a little laundry and a few other things, most of the weekend's productivity was not visible in any material sense.

Saturday we went to a public rosary event.  Our bishop was leading the praying of the rosary that afternoon on a busy street (one of the busiest in town) near the only abortion clinic here.  We stood on a strip of median between the busy street and the access road, about twenty people or so.  Not a large crowd, but we represented all ages: small children (including our two 4 month olds), some older people, and all ages in between. 

It was wonderful to stand with so many like-minded people to pray.  A couple of men were also holding a big sign that faced the road.  Later I saw a picture of Our Lady of Fatima on it, but I never did get a chance to read what it said.  There were also several passers-by who honked their horns in support (I presume it was in support, they didn;t sound like angry honks).  The babies were both really good as well.  Peter was alert and staring at me the whole time.  Ethan got fussy at one point and I had to pick him up, but he was great after that.

Following the rosary we ran a couple errands.  It's funny walking through stores pushing a double carriage with two infant carriers attached.  People are always stopping to look, pointing the babies out to their children, or doing a double-take when they realize there is not just one baby, but two in the stroller. Some people even stop us to talk and ask questions.  It's something I'm slowly getting used to, but I'm not sure I'll ever be 100% comfortable with it.

Saturday evening I pulled out four candles for the Wave of Light for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  All four candles came from my church, two from the All Souls Day Mass the years that we lost Zachary and Brigit.  I don't remember how I acquired the other two.  They make the perfect candles for this event.  I really should have taken a picture of them.  Maybe next year.

Sunday was Mass, of course.  But later in the day I took both boys with me and went to the cemetery.  It had been a long, long time since I had been there.  I made sure to bring the grass clippers with me and it was a good thing too.  I couldn't even see Zachary's stone and Brigit's was barely visible.  The boys watched me as I cut away the grass and cleared the dampened, flattened grass clippings from the stones.  It had been a LONG time since I had visited.  I need to go more often.  The cemetery had also added a sign to the baby section, so now it is clear that the section is called "Gabriel's Tears."  I also walked around to visit the other babies.  I cleared some leaves off one of the stones and stood the two little plastic statues back up that were left there.  It is always so sad to see new stones; there were two new stones since the last time I visited.  Before leaving I said some prayers over Zachary and Brigit's graves while Ethan looked on (Peter was asleep by then).

Even though I did get some "productive" things done over the weekend, most of my productivity had more to do with more spiritual things.  A rosary for an end to abortion and the conversion of hearts through Our Lady of Fatima, lighting candles in memory of my children and the children other friends and family have lost, time spent caring for the gravesites of two of my children, and the care and feeding of the two children I have the priviledge of caring for in this life. 

Spiritual productivity may not have the same kind of satisfaction you can get from seeing things checked off a to-do list or seeing a clean space that once was messy, but it is so much better. 

And apparently even more exhausting!

Parenting after Pregnancy Loss: Initial Thoughts

I've written about miscarriage and pregnancy loss quite a bit on this blog.  Because it is such a part of my life now, it will always be on my heart and thus something I will still write about.

But now my life is in a different place, a new place, and I'm still working out my thoughts on it.  I think I'll be working out these thoughts for a very long time, so I have a lot of fodder for blog posts.  As a result, this post is probably the first of several.

It is estimated that about 25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage.  I'd venture to guess that this is a low estimate, especially when you consider how the pill works in addition to the possibility of very early miscarriages that often go undetected (we even wonder if we had one of those once, but we'll never know for sure).  So miscarriage, and pregnancy loss overall, is much more common than most people realize. 

And yet, with all the people who have been through the pain of miscarriage, everyone has different experiences.  Everyone's experiences before they became a member of the Miscarriage Club are different and shaped how they were able to deal with their loss.

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know that I have dealt with my losses in a variety of ways.  Writing here has been one of my ways to get my thoughts and emotions out.  I also felt better being open about my losses and sharing my story whenever and wherever I can.  This is not for everyone, I know this.  But if my story can help someone else, then I will continue telling it.

Now I find myself in a new place: the mom of two sweet boys.  I'm loving my cutie pies both during the fun times and the fussy times.  I'm loving that after so long I am finally getting the chance to be a mom.  My heart melts with each little smile and bursts with pride with those rare little laughs. 

Mixed in with all these wonderful emotions is still some sadness as I wonder what each of my other children would have been like.  And so many more questions, too.  Would I have these two sweet boys if we had Zachary?  Do I appreciate my babies more because of what we went through?  But then ... more than what?  And what about future children?  How long do we wait?  What if we wait too long and we experience loss again?  How will a possible future loss feel different now that I have living children?  Or will it?

These are just some of my initial thoughts and questions on this topic of "Parenting after Pregnancy Loss."  It will be interesting to explore more of my thoughts on this topic and I look forward to hearing your comments too, especially from those who have been there themselves. 

I think the first idea I want to write about will be on "appreciation."  Stay tuned to find out what I mean by this.  I hope you'll stick around as I explore these various thoughts and feelings.