Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Parenting after Pregnancy Loss: Initial Thoughts

I've written about miscarriage and pregnancy loss quite a bit on this blog.  Because it is such a part of my life now, it will always be on my heart and thus something I will still write about.

But now my life is in a different place, a new place, and I'm still working out my thoughts on it.  I think I'll be working out these thoughts for a very long time, so I have a lot of fodder for blog posts.  As a result, this post is probably the first of several.

It is estimated that about 25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage.  I'd venture to guess that this is a low estimate, especially when you consider how the pill works in addition to the possibility of very early miscarriages that often go undetected (we even wonder if we had one of those once, but we'll never know for sure).  So miscarriage, and pregnancy loss overall, is much more common than most people realize. 

And yet, with all the people who have been through the pain of miscarriage, everyone has different experiences.  Everyone's experiences before they became a member of the Miscarriage Club are different and shaped how they were able to deal with their loss.

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know that I have dealt with my losses in a variety of ways.  Writing here has been one of my ways to get my thoughts and emotions out.  I also felt better being open about my losses and sharing my story whenever and wherever I can.  This is not for everyone, I know this.  But if my story can help someone else, then I will continue telling it.

Now I find myself in a new place: the mom of two sweet boys.  I'm loving my cutie pies both during the fun times and the fussy times.  I'm loving that after so long I am finally getting the chance to be a mom.  My heart melts with each little smile and bursts with pride with those rare little laughs. 

Mixed in with all these wonderful emotions is still some sadness as I wonder what each of my other children would have been like.  And so many more questions, too.  Would I have these two sweet boys if we had Zachary?  Do I appreciate my babies more because of what we went through?  But then ... more than what?  And what about future children?  How long do we wait?  What if we wait too long and we experience loss again?  How will a possible future loss feel different now that I have living children?  Or will it?

These are just some of my initial thoughts and questions on this topic of "Parenting after Pregnancy Loss."  It will be interesting to explore more of my thoughts on this topic and I look forward to hearing your comments too, especially from those who have been there themselves. 

I think the first idea I want to write about will be on "appreciation."  Stay tuned to find out what I mean by this.  I hope you'll stick around as I explore these various thoughts and feelings.


  1. We lost our first boy 20 weeks in utero- and I think that has affected my parenting the next two (or at least affected their pregnancies)- sometimes it makes it more precious, sometimes it takes away the 'fun'

    I'm looking forward to reading your thoughts

  2. So sorry for your loss. I love your statement that sometimes it makes parenting more "precious, sometimes it takes away the 'fun'". So very true!