Monday, June 07, 2010

The Impossible is Possible

Today a weight was lifted off my shoulders! And it felt good!! I was so worried that things were not going to work out with the hospital and the cemetery. I felt like I was asking for the impossible, though I knew it was possible, I was just made to feel like it was the impossible. Does that make sense?

I agreed, almost two weeks ago now, to undergo the D & C on the condition that we could have the baby's remains so that he/she would get a proper burial. I know this is possible because I have done so much reading and talked to so many people who have been in this situation, that I know it can be done. But my doctor seemed very unsure. But I made it clear that this is what I wanted, so she made some phone calls. It took a while, but she got it all worked out for me. She was great too, despite her uncertainty, she did everything she could to make sure I got what I wanted.

But despite her efforts, I was still worried about it. You just never know when you are dealing with a large institution. But things turned out great. I finally got in touch with the Pathology Lab at the hospital last week and talked to a very nice lady. You could tell she was unsure what to call what I was picking up. She finally settled on "specimen," which I didn't like, but I kept my mouth shut. I know the kind of culture we live in. But I talked to her on the phone three different times between last week and today and she was always very helpful.

So today I finally went to the cemetery to meet with the director there. She goes to my church, this is a Catholic cemetery, and I've seen her at many pro-life events, plus I know she has the adoration hour at our perpetual adoration chapel on Tuesday mornings after my husband's hour. So she has been wonderful!! The moment I got there she gave me a big hug; and then when we sat down she already had the map of the cemetery out with the section that Zachary is buried in. First thing she did was point to the exact plot next to his that I was thinking I wanted!! That was awesome!! I also told her I didn't know what exactly I'd be getting from the hospital, what it would come in, how big/small it would be, etc. But she knew. She told me how it would come and she was mostly right. She also showed me a sample of a box she had bought at a local store that sells home decor type things that is perfect for burying the baby's remains in. She was so helpful and totally reassured me that I wasn't doing anything totally off the wall. That was the first big relief today!

Then this afternoon I went to the hospital. The woman in Pathology was super nice. As I was finishing up the paperwork there was a spot where it asked what my plans for the "specimen" were. I told her I wanted to give the baby a proper burial. And I used the word "baby." And that's what she wrote down. This woman was a perfect stranger, I have no idea what her beliefs are nor will I ever. But if nothing else I hope I planted a seed. It would be nice if they offered this sort of thing at this hospital for those who want it. Yes, my request may have been the first, but maybe it won't be the last. Hopefully, it won't be me having to ask again.

But what a relief to finally go there and pick up what I had wanted from the beginning of this whole thing. And to know that this will all come together.

I still have a few things to do: talk to our priest and set a date, inform family of the date, buy some sort of box or something to use as a coffin, hopefully find out something from the chromosome test so we can give this baby a name (plus we need to agree on a name), and buy a baby blanket to wrap the bottle in before putting it in the "coffin" we buy. But I feel better knowing that the important steps are done and everything is in my hands.

Hrm. That kind of makes me sound like a control freak. But I hope you get me meaning!

Overall today was a good day. I'm just so happy that the seemingly impossible (which I knew wasn't) became possible. I have a follow-up with my doctor on Thursday and I hope to learn more from the test results then, plus be able to tell her that everything worked out perfectly with the lab and that we'll be having a burial service soon.

Another seemingly impossible task: planting seeds with my doctor. Over the course of three losses in two and a half years I have had to repeatedly make my beliefs on birth control clear, as well as other things. I'm not forceful, just clear, but I do sometimes wonder what kind of seeds I may be planting with her.

You never know! Even the most impossible things can become possible!


  1. Ahh,, K. I am so relieved for you that it worked out with no extra hassle or heartache. Thankful for the things that can't be put into words. I will be praying that this brings a new level of awareness for all of the parties involved, and that other bereaved parents will have choices offered to them, without having to do the exhausting legwork at a difficult time like that. (((hugs)))

  2. Thanks, Lynn!! I'm grateful that everyone I had to deal with was pleasant and nice and seemed to want to help. Regardless of what they may have thought of what I was trying to do, they were incredibly helpful. Makes you realize that there is hope for our world!