When does life start?

Recently I was looking through some different pro-life pages on Facebook and ran across a discussion about when life begins. Most of the people participating in the discussion agreed that life begins at the moment of conception, when sperm meets egg. This is the view I agree with and it is what the Church teaches as well. If it doesn't begin there, it gets harder to say that any moment after that is when life begins, because it becomes harder to explain what the union of sperm and egg was from their first meeting until that later moment when life is suddenly there. It's completely logical: life has to start at the moment the sperm fertilizes the egg in the falopian tubes; not at the moment of implantation, not after the first trimester, nor at any other moment.

What was really interesting and disturbing to me was when someone brought the idea of when the soul enters that life. The person who brought this up said that she could not believe that God would create a life and give it a soul only to have it die while still in the womb; therefore she thought the soul probably came later. This totally upset me! Where there is a life there is a soul. And yes, sometimes those babies die. I know that first-hand.

Lately, these issues have been much more on my mind and they have caused me to contemplate more on a TV show I saw a while back, maybe a year and a half or more ago. The particular episode of this show was amazingly pro-life in its message and at the same time addresses an issue that many pro-abortion (or pro-choice) people use to support the killing of unborn babies.

The TV show was House, a medical drama about a doctor, Dr. House, who has a drug addiction but is still incredibly intelligent and does medicine his way, taking risks that others won't take while at the same time working with three residents. In the episode that I remember, he has a patient who is mysteriously sick and pregnant. I don't remember all the details, but essentially, Dr. House feels that the baby is actually killing her and she should abort the child. She refuses and insists that there must be a better way. The entire episode he won't call the baby anything but a fetus. The patient even calls him on it. Finally a solution to her problem is found and they have to perform a very risky surgery (it wouldn't be good TV otherwise). During the surgery, for some reason, they have to go into the womb without hurting the baby. And there is this amazing moment when the baby's hand reaches up and Dr. House notices it and things seem to slow down. As he watches this baby's hand reach up, he reaches out and the little baby fingers wrap around his finger. It is totally an amazing moment!

In the end the surgery is successful, the woman lives, and her baby was not harmed. Before she is discharged from the hospital Dr. House comes to see her and during their discussion he mentions "the baby." She notices right away that he has changed his vocabulary from fetus to baby!!

Most of today's media and certainly most of Hollywood is very liberal. To see a show like this that has such a powerful pro-life message is so rare and something we should be advocating for more of.

For anyone interested in more good pro-life entertainment, go see the movie Bella. Also, if you want to know what movies, books, and other forms of entertainment have good Christian messages and what don't, go check out Catholic Media Review, a blog that reviews all sorts of entertainment.

And, spread the word about life!! Life is precious and should be protected from that very first moment.

Some Updates

It's been a long time since I made any changes to this blog. So I have done a few updates the last couple of days.

I did some minor editing. But more importantly I updated the links on the left side bar. I took away some things and added in some different links. In particular you'll notice the section of Catholic/Pro-life blogs and websites. Lots of great info there!!

Also, I finally started using labels (or as we like to call them in library-land: tags)!! Further down on the left side you'll see a list of tags ... I mean labels and at the bottom of each post the labels for that post are listed. I tried my best to go back through all my old posts to add labels, but I tried not to read every old post, so I'm sure I have missed some things.

Hope you find some nice new things to look at here.

Saving the Earth: Plant a Seed

Okay, it's not Earth Day (that's in April) but we all know that taking care of our environment is increasingly more important to everyone. Not only that but taking care of our bodies/health is also a top priority for many (and should be for us all).

Do you recycle/reuse as much as possible?

Have you started driving safer to try saving on gas? Which has a bonus of keeping you, your passengers and other drivers around you safe!

Do you think about the energy you use at home? Electricity, running the washing machine, etc.?

Have you considered public transportation? Walking to work? Biking to work? Carpooling?

Do you buy organic? Shop at your local farmer's market? Or do you grow any of your own vegetables?

We are all thinking about ways to keep our bodies healthy, our families healthy, and our environment healthy. Some of us do more than others, but I think everyone I know is doing something or has at least considered doing something. Just knowing that someone has thought about something means a seed has been planted, it might take a while to germinate but it's there. And that's good!!

So I would like to plant a seed with all of you. While you consider what foods you buy, skipping fast food to eat something healthy and homecooked, and buying local produce rather than produce shipped across the country (or from other countries); and while you consider changing lifestyle choices rather than having to start taking medications/drugs for high cholestral or whatever, have you ever given any thought to Natural Family Planning?

There is an awful lot in the news and online about alternative ways of caring for your body rather than using drugs. Some drugs are good, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that all forms of medication are bad, but maybe we don't need everything we put into our bodies? I can't see how pumping extra hormones into women's bodies to suppress their natural fertility can be healthy in the long run (and there is lots of research out there to support this).

This week is Natural Family Planning Week. Also, on July 25 is the the 40th anniversary of the encyclical Humanae Vitae (Of Human Life) (follow the link to find the text of the encyclical and other related documents). This is a week to celebrate natural methods of family planning. I encourage everyone reading this to do some internet searching to find out more. With an open mind you might be surprised at how effective NFP can be and how much better for your health (and your marriage) it can be.

Briefly, for those who have never heard of it, there are several forms of NFP. My husband and I learned the sympto-thermal method through the Couple to Couple League. This method tracks temperatures, mucus signs, and cervix position to tell a couple when they are fertile and when they aren't. In addition the couple must communicate very openly about their mutual fertility and decide on a very regular basis whether they want to add to their family or if they need to postpone. By this method they are working in collaboration with God in creating life.

Other methods include the Billings method, the Creighton Method, and several others.

No drugs, no side effects, 100% natural, 100% effective, and many bonuses besides! It's a beautiful way to live your marriage and completely, 100% pro-life!

So I know this is an incredibly hard thing to understand and I know no one is going to suddenly jump on the NFP train just from reading this post. But I hope to plant a seed and if you are interested (even just for the sake of knowing more) then do a little looking around, do some reading, and let me know if you have questions. I may only be able to point you in the right direction, but I will do what I can.

In addition, I am updating this blog and off to the left side I have added a section for Catholic Blogs/websites. One is an NFP blog with lots of great info. I've only looked at part of it, but I can't wait to sit down and check out more.

As this week in celebration of Natural Family Planning continues and as we get closer to the anniversary of Humanae Vitae I hope to post a bit more about NFP things of interest. Stay tuned!!

Catholic Carnival #181

Go check out the next Catholic Carnival!! It is full of interesting posts from around the Catholic blogosphere. Check it out for some thoughtful insights on life and all things Catholic; it'll make you think, bring tears to your eyes, and laughter to your day.

Check it out here: Catholic Carnival #181

Have a great weekend and enjoy the Carnival!!

Catholics Not Welcome

Apparently the city of San Francisco has condemned the Catholic Church! What?? Condemned the Church?? Yes, that's right. The only article I can find on the topic is from World Net Daily. See the whole article here:

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=69693

I was shocked to read that by issuing this resolution the city was asking the Archdiocese to disobey the Vatican!! What in the world is that all about!! Obviously the city government in San Francisco doesn't understand the relationship between the Vatican and its archdioceses.

After reading this article I am amazed that a city thinks it can openly discriminate against an entire religious group based on different moral principles. This is blatant discrimination!

What amazes me is that the liberal people who hate the Church and want to rid San Francisco of it are the same that push for "equal rights" for every other group under the sun, as long as it's not a religious or conservative group. On the other hand, the Catholic Church (and other religious groups, I'm sure) don't "hate" the people who oppose them. The Church prays for all people. The Church wants all people to find love and holiness. Why is that bad?

It comes down to misunderstanding. The Church is misunderstood. In the United States of America a city can not kick a Church out. And a city has no right to tell any organization what it can and can not believe. And what the city of San Francisco has to understand is that the Church is not telling the city what to believe either. The Church is a teacher; it teaches with the hope that others will listen and even if they don't agree will be open to understanding. The Church acts through faith, hope, and charity. Is that such a bad thing that the Church has to be condemned!

Be sure to read the article to the very end. This is not an isolated case. Other things are stirring around the world and it is very scary.

Celebrating Life

I heard something on the radio on the way home from work today that I have to share. It was such an amazing story with a happy ending that will take place with a wonderful celebration of life this Saturday. At the same time we'll be having our own celebration of life!!

On Saturday July 12 at 8:00am we will be attending mass at our home parish with many family and friends as well as members of our church community. During the mass the life of our baby, Casey Marie, will be remembered. Although we never got to see or hold our baby, Casey was still a precious life created by God and given to us for a very short time. We feel blessed to have been in cooperation with God in the creation of a new life for His kingdom. And we're looking forward to this opportunity to celebrate Casey's life.

I heard today that at 8:00am on Saturday morning in Bethleham, PA at the Church of Notre Dame, Father Frank Pavone of Priests for Life will be baptizing two babies who were saved from abortion. I was listening to him tell the story about how these mothers chose life instead of abortion and he mentioned that he would be baptising them this Saturday. One of his points in telling the story was to show how effective sidewalk counselors and those who spend time praying outside abortion mills can be in helping to change peoples minds to choose life. One mother changed her mind after talking to one of the sidewalk counselors outside the abortion mill she was about to enter. The other mother took a flier from the counselors outside the abortion clinic, started looking at it after she was inside and once she read the flier she immediately decided she couldn't do this to her child and she got up and walked out.

So on Saturday morning, we'll be remembering the small life of the child we have in heaven and up in Pennsylvania two mothers will be celebrating the baptisms of the babies that they chose life for. It is important to celebrate every life and to recognize that life begins at the moment of conception. Every life is important and this Saturday several of us will be recognizing that fact.

Our July 4th Weekend

We left last Thursday and drove to Remington, IN to visit Chris' paternal grandmother. We spent the night there and then headed to MI. It took us an hour longer to get to Grand Haven than expected due to several road closures and not very well marked detours, but we did get to see a bit of Valporasio. We spent Friday in Grand Haven visiting Chris' maternal grandmother and then drove to Grand Rapids to spend the night.

Apparently a very large storm moved through the area on Thursday, cutting off power all over the city and flooding areas around the river. So there were a lot of power trucks in the hotel parking lot. All the people brought in from other areas to help restore power were staying at our hotel.

Saturday morning it was off to Detroit where we attended Rita's wedding! It was gorgeous!! We were so glad to be able to be there and witness their wedding vows. It was quite a party too!!

Sunday morning we headed out to a church we had found online. We went to the National Shrine of the Little Flower. It was an incredible church, interesting sanctuary, and gorgeous grounds; the pictures on the web don't do it justice. After church we started heading out of Detroit, careful to avoid the closure on 75 in downtown Detroit. After finally getting past that and back on I-75 Chris discovered that he had left his suit in the hotel room. So it was back through Detroit and north to the hotel, locate the suit, and get back on the highway for the roundabout route around Detroit and back onto I-75. But I have to say that the detours in MI were much better marked than in IN.

It was definitely an adventure!! But we had a good time and we survived many, many hours in the car together!

Cool New Website!!

My favorite local radio station has just rolled out a brand new (and much improved) website. I have only just now gone to take a look, but I can already see that there is a lot to check out on it. Here's the address:

www.realliferadio.com

You can listen to the station through the website (which is what I do at work in the afternoons). Also, they are posting diocesan events and podcasts of many of those events (see Events Calendar under Community). Some things to check out:

First, Theology on Tap is currently going on and all are being recorded and posted as podcasts on the site.

Second, beginning this past April 1 the Bishop's Cathedral Series began. Chris and I missed the April lecture that the Bishop did, but we managed to get to the May lecture that Fr. Baima from Chicago did (excellent, go listen to it!!) and to the June lecture. The Bishop will be doing the final session for this year next week on July 1. It too will be posted as a podcast eventually.

Also, the calendar for Rock the Collar is finally posted!! This is an awesome ministry that our seminarians began last year. Check out the schedule and go see them if they are stopping at a parish near you. It's great to meet them and give them encouragement in their vocation.

Another word about the podcasts, you do have to register on the site to have access to the podcasts. I know it gets difficult to have so many accounts everywhere but this is one that is worth it. If nothing else the Bishop's series contains some great theology. Our own Bishop (doing the first and fourth lectures) is a great speaker and, although I missed the first talk, I am sure it was great. I know for a fact that Fr. Baima's lecture was awesome! Go check it out if you have a chance, I will be soon! I want to hear the first talk Bishop Gainer did and I want to listen to Fr. Baima's talk a second time.

Hope you enjoy looking through the Real Life Radio website. Lots of good stuff!!

Miscarriage and Baptism

It has been over two months since my husband and I miscarried our first child. I have previously written about our loss and in that previous post listed several topics that I felt called to discuss. One of those topics is the Sacrament of Baptism.

One of the defining aspects of Christianity is our belief in Baptism. Without baptism we can not come to know God and be a part of his kingdom. We hear our Lord Jesus tell us, "Amen, amen, I say to you, no one can enter the kingdom of God without being born of water and spirit." (John 3:5). Baptism is an important aspect of all Christian churches. As Christians, both Catholic and Protestant, we believe in the necessity of Baptism for salvation. I know nothing about the theology of Baptism from the numerous Protestant perspectives, so I won't even attempt to go there. I want to focus here on the Catholic perspective.

Catholics (and some Protestant faiths) believe in infant baptism. This isn't my focus here either, but for anyone reading this who is not familiar with why we believe in infant baptism, I'll just mention a few of the reasons why the Catholic church teaches this. First there is the Scripture passage I quoted above. That's the basis for baptism itself. Beyond that there are four things I can point to that defend infant baptism:

From the Gospels: "Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked them, but Jesus said, 'Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.' After he placed his hands on them, he went away." (Matthew 19:13-15; see also the same story in Mark 10:13-16 and Luke 18:15-17). Jesus wanted the children brought to Him and there is no reason to think that He wouldn't want them brought to him now.

The book of Acts chapter 2 is one of my favorite parts of Acts, which is also one of my favorite Scripture books. In this chapter is when the Holy Spirit comes down on the Apostles at Pentacost and when St. Peter gives his first long speech/sermon. After his speech, the people ask what they should do. "Peter [said] to them, 'Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. For the promise is made to you and to your children and to all those far off, whomever the Lord our God will call.'" (Acts 2: 38-39). In other parts of Acts there is mention of thousands being baptized at a time after similar conversion moments with Peter or Paul or other disciples. Whenever a large crowd is baptized it is reasonable to assume that women and children were also in the crowd. So children and infants were being baptized from the beginnings of the Church.

The writings of the early church fathers also point to baptism of infants and children. They don't write to defend it, however, because it was a general practice; they didn't need to defend it. These writers in the 2nd century were the disciples of the disciples, only two or three generations away from those who heard the words of Jesus first hand. The little I have read from the early church fathers shows a continuous stream of understanding from very early times with very little, or no, discrepancy between writers (the "tradition" part of Catholic teaching). If you want to know more I highly recommend Stephen Ray's book Crossing the Tiber. He includes a LOT of the early church fathers' writings.

Finally, don't parents make decisions for their children all the time? One thing I have heard from a lot of people about baptism is that they don't want to make that choice for their children, thus the child should be at an age of reasoning to make that decision themselves. I find a lot wrong with this statement. Parents decide their children's bedtimes, schedules, what they eat, where they go, what school they go to, clothes they wear, activities they can and can not participate in and more. They even make them go to church and Sunday School and so forth. I took a logic class in college as part of a philosophy track and I think there are a number of fallacies in this logic. Your religion is one of the most important things you can pass on to your children; it's why you teach them your faith, make them go to church and Sunday School and pray before meals, bed, etc. Thus in the Catholic church, parents understand that through baptism we are making a decision for our children that will be with them the rest of their lives. It's the parental thing to do.

Okay, moving beyond that argument ... I don't want to dwell on it, it's not supposed to be my focus ...

My focus really is the desire to be baptised and what happens if death comes before baptism can take place. Up until now, I have built this piece around Scripture, which is how I prefer to tackle things if I expect that non-Catholics will be reading this. In this case, I want to lay the groundwork through Scripture and from this point on will probably lean more on the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

So, the Catholic Church teaches that baptism can happen in three ways: baptism by water, baptism by blood, and baptism by desire. By water is obviously how most of us were baptized. Baptism by blood is through death for the sake of the faith, martyrdom. But what is this baptism by desire? From the Catechism:

The Church has always held the firm conviction that those who suffer death for the sake of the faith without having received Baptism are baptized by their death for and with Christ. This Baptism of blood, like the desire for Baptism, brings about the fruits of Baptism without being a sacrament. (CCC1258)

and

As regards children who have died without Baptism, the Church can only entrust them to the mercy of God, as she does in her funeral rites for them. Indeed, the great mercy of God who desires that all men should be saved, and Jesus' tenderness toward children which caused him to say: "Let the children Come to me, do not hinder them," allow us to hope that there is a way of salvation for children who have died without Baptism. All the more urgent is the Church's call not to prevent little children coming to Christ through the gift of holy Baptism. (CCC 1261)

These two paragraphs from the Catechism taken together show the hope there is that God's mercy will bring these children into Heaven with Him through the baptism of desire. I'm not always the best at putting into words what seems clear to me, so I apologize if the connections aren't very clear. I read those two paragraphs in the context of the Scripture passages above and others like them and from the other traditions of the Church. I think "context" is very key to this understanding.

It is through reading the Scriptures and from reading the Church's teachings through the Catechism that I can find peace in trusting my child's salvation to God's mercy. I would never presume to know God's mercy, but I have prayed about my deep desire to have God take Casey Marie into heaven with Him. Through his mercy, I know that my desire as a parent to have baptised my child if he/she had lived long enough can be enough to bring about Baptism by desire. It all depends on the mercy of God, and I have great faith in Him and His mercy.

In my prayers I have also prayed for many other children who were lost to miscarriage, both those I know about and all those babies and families I don't know. I have also included all those children lost to abortion. In God's mercy I pray that they are all saints in heaven, praising God with all the angels and saints.

In closing I want to mention a small book my sister-in-law sent me after our miscarriage. It is called An Empty Cradle, A Full Heart: Reflections for mothers and fathers after miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death by Christine O'Keeffe Lafser. The books is comprised of various short reflections accompanied by a Scripture passage and all divided into three sections: reflections for mothers, reflections for fathers, and reflections for both. Near the end of the book one reflection in particular stood out to me and I will share it here along with it's accompanying Scripture passage:

Some people say it is a shame. Others even imply that it would have been better if the baby had never been created. But the short time I had with my child is prescious to me. It is painful now, but I still wouldn't wish it away. I prayed that God would bless us with a baby. Each child is a gift, and I am proud that we cooperated with God in the creation of a new soul for all eternity. Although not with me, my baby lives. (p. 234)

For this child I prayed; and the Lord has granted me the petition that I made to him. 1 Samuel 1:27

Thank you for reading this. I hope it has brought some food for thought or some comfort to you if you have ever been in a similar situation to mine. May the Lord bless all of you and may He bless all the little children in Heaven and on Earth.

Catholic Carnival 173 is Up!

The next Catholic Carnival is now up!! Go check it out, it looks like a good one.

All the posts are arranged into groups based on the four groups of mysteries of the rosary. Our Carinval hostess also included some links to more info on the rosary.

I've only had a chance to scan through it myself, but it definitely looks like a good read. Go take a look and read other people's reflections and thoughts on various aspects of our faith and how we live our lives as Catholics.

Home Again

I'm finally home after my travels to Dayton to speak at a conference. Everything ended today around 12:30pm and we arrived back in Lexington around 4:00. Now I'm home for about a week and then we leave for vacation.

By the time June arrives I'll be happy to be home for a long stretch!!

Nothing much exciting to tell about the conference, all librarian stuff, so I won't bore all of you with it. I will say that I was so excited to finally hear a speaker whose writings I have read since Library School and his talk was as good as his writing. It was great to be at a conference with him as a speaker. And to be a speaker myself at the same conference. I never would have imagined that 10 years ago.

Speaking of which!! I graduated from Library School 10 years ago this month! Wow!! Hard to believe it's been that long. :)

Speaking Engagement Success

This morning, despite not hearing the alarm go off (oh no!!), I believe I presented a very good session at the conference I am attending. My presentation was called "The Reluctant Supervisor." I was calm and confident and I think (I hope) that came across to my audience. I also think I had a great audience and they laughed some and even willingly participated in an "activity." You usually don't have interactive activities in conference sessions, particularly ones that require you to get out of your seat and move around. So I was grateful that everyone was willing!

The only weird thing during the presentation was that my Power Point slides kept advancing on their own. I had not set a timer in the show (which I know is possible to do because I have used that feature for other things) but I had not done that with this one at all! So I don't know what was happening. So I kept my eye on the laptop and kept moving back when it would jump ahead of me. Then at some point it decided to back up!! So the computer had a mind of its own today!!

But I took it in stride and we got through the presentation fine. I even had several questions at the end. Several people seemed sceptical of some the meeting model that I use, but I kind of expected that. Plus I have come to realize in preparing this presentation that I have only scratched the surface of this topic. I'm very interested in going deeper, doing more research, and possibly surveying the profession somehow on this topic. I may even have a sabbatical project on my hands!! THAT would be awesome!

Anyway, today was a success. The weather in Dayton is actually chilly and rainy, but I've been inside all day anyway. The food at the conference has been excellent! This is one of the only conferences I attend, maybe the only one, that provides so much of your meals as part of your registration. And it's usually all very good; though this time may be exceptional. We head back tomorrow afternoon following a morning of more sessions. Hopefully the weather will be better for our drive south.

Trivia question: I'm staying at the Hope Hotel on the Wright Patterson Air Force Base. The hotel restaurant is called Packy's. Anyone know why the restaurant is called "Packy's"?

Current Travels

I got to spend three nights at home before taking off again, this time for a work-related trip. I am currently in Dayton, OH for a meeting of technical services librarias. It's an interesting meeting and I go regularly because it's regional and usually not very long nor very expensive.

So I drove up today, found my way around Dayton some, and went to the opening reception. The opening reception was at the University of Dayton's Roesch Library within which is the International Marian Research Institute. So I took a tour of the Marian Libary which was amazing. They have the largest collection of print materials on Mary, plus an amazing number of Mary statues from all over the world, paintings and prints and all sorts of art work, and they have over 900 creches from around the world. Some of them are on display, but the majority are in storage somewhere. It's hard to store 900 of these. They currently have on loan from a private collector a collection of paper creches. Those were pretty amazing too.

I also saw a sampling (a very large "sampling") of bookmarks with Mary on them, postcards from Marian shrines and apparition locations from around the world, and lots of mass cards. I had never seen mass cards with lace around them, and some were very ornate. It was quite an experience. The amount of stuff they have there is amazing!!

Tomorrow the meat of the conference starts. I am speaking during one of the morning sessions and then I can relax. I have barely thought about the rest of the conference program since I've been focusing on my own presentation. Wish me luck!

A Letter to the Candidates

All Presidential Candidates,

Next Tuesday is the Presidential Primary in Kentucky. On that day I will go to the polls to exercise my right as an American and to make my voice heard as a Catholic. This primary season my choices for upholding the values I believe in as both a Catholic and an American are very few. Particularly in the Democratic Party.

I have always been a registered Democrat but have been very disappointed in the Democratic Party for several years now. For the first time in my life I wanted to switch parties, but because I missed the December 31(!) deadline KY law would have prevented me from voting in the primary at all. So I have remained a Democrat and hope to send a message with my vote.

Senators Obama and Clinton, your stance on the life issues makes it particularly difficult for me to support either of you in even the most minimal way. How either of you, who both have children of your own, can think that allowing the killing of unborn babies makes you a promoter of human rights is totally absurd. If abortion is not the killing of a child, tell me when you thought of your children as children? Was it not until they had actually been born? If so, what were they before that? At what point was she no longer just cells and tissue so that you could consider her a baby?

Yes, I know the argument: you personally would never have an abortion yourself but you would never think to deny someone else the right to "choose." I know the argument well and have used it myself. But many years ago I realized how foolish an argument that is. If you want to be a promoter of human rights for all humans, then don't forget the smallest and most innocent of humans: the unborn babies in all stages of development. If you can't guarantee rights for these tiny lives, what's the guarantee that you will support basic human rights for anyone else?

Just six weeks ago my baby died. To you my child wasn't even a child, because he/she wasn't born yet. But to me and to countless other women who have lost children during pregnancy, these were real children. At only 18 days old these children's hearts were beating, but even before that, from the moment of conception these children were human. Allowing the killing of unborn children because someone has deemed them "unwanted" is not standing up for human rights. It's called murder.

My baby was eight and a half weeks old when she died. My husband and I named our child Casey Marie. We'll never get to hold our baby and our parents will never know their grandchild. If you feel sympathy for me and my loss then feel sympathy for all the children lost to not only miscarriage or stillbirth, but for the millions of victims of abortion. And think about your own children. Give them a hug and tell them you love them and remind yourself how special they are in your lives.

Both of you are professed Christians. Thus I leave you with the following Bible passages. Please think about these things carefully. If either of you find yourselves in the White House, it will not be because of my vote.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you (Jeremiah 1:5)

Your hands have formed me and fashioned me; will you then turn and destroy me? Oh, remember that you fashioned me from clay! Will you then bring me down to dust again? Did you not pour me out as milk, and thicken me like cheese? With skin and flesh you clothed me, with bones and sinews knit me together. Grace and favor you granted me, and your providence has preserved my spirit. (Job 10:8-12)

my bones were not hidden from you, When I was being made in secret, fashioned as in the depths of the earth. (Psalms 139:15)

My Mother's Day and a Special Memento

Standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary of Magdala. When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he loved, he said to his mother, "Woman, behold, your son." Then he said to the disciple, "Behold, your mother." And from that hour the disciple took her into his home. (John 19:25-27)

This past Sunday was Mother's Day as well as the day after my sister-in-law got married. So we were in Bardstown for the entire weekend. Sunday morning as we were packing up to leave the hotel I went to pick up the Mother's Day card for his mother that I had left on a table and I noticed two cards. The top one had my name on it! But I wasn't surprised, because I know I have a wonderful and sweet husband.

The card was so nice. The message of the card (with an annotation from Chris) was: To my wife ... you fill our home (and heaven) with love. I wanted to cry, well, I did get a little weepy, but that's not a surprise to anyone who knows me. I'll cherish this card forever.

After breakfast at my in-laws house we headed off to church. During the Prayers of the Faithful, there were prayers for all mothers, for all children, and for all those mothers who have lost children. I felt especially blessed by the last prayer. Following the prayers the priest then asked all mothers to kneel, that's when I hesitated. I just wasn't comfortable kneeling for that last blessing.

This morning during my Adoration hour I thought a lot about Mary. I once again asked for her intercessory prayers and prayed that my little Casey and all those who have passed on were safe in heaven with our Lord and her, His Mother. As I have said in recent posts, I know my baby Casey Marie is with our Heavenly Mother. As the passage from John above illustrates, Mary was given to all of humanity as our mother and I take comfort in knowing that the best mother in all of God's Creation is watching after my child.

To top off my Mother's Day I received a special item in the mail today. I ordered a special memento to remember my baby, and I was surprised at how quickly it was made and arrived. Shortly after the miscarriage I was looking everywhere on the Internet for help and support. I happened to run across a website for bereaved mothers and on the site was a link for Memory Bracelets. You can check out the site here: http://www.geocities.com/bmskeepsakes/. Chris and I talked about it, and decided to order a bracelet for me. It didn't occur to me at the time that Mother's Day was right around the corner. The bracelet came today. I was so excited!! Here is a picture of it:


This was the end of my first Mother's Day. It was a sad day, but it was a happy day too. It's hard to be too sad when the promise of heaven is so amazing! The bracelet I now have is a wonderful memento to the baby that I never got to hold. My baby will be remembered publicly in July. If you're around, we'll be having a Mass said at our church for Casey at 8am on Saturday July 12. I'm looking forward to having the public acknowledgement and be able to celebrate our child's short life with our community.

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers!!

Weddings, Moms, and Life

Friday afternoon we are leaving town and driving to Bardstown, Ky for a family wedding. Weddings are such wonderful times! The beginning of a new chapter in two people's lives and the coming together of two families. So we will be joining my husband's family and watching his oldest younger sister get married. Does that make sense? Probably not, but that's okay. I don't have time to explain, it's already late.

I'm actually very interested in seeing what happens at this wedding. My sister-in-law told us that their priest convinced them to do some parts of the ceremony according to the old marriage rite. I'm not sure what this means, so I'm looking forward to seeing how it differs from our wedding. It should be interesting.

So, yes another wedding in our lives. It'll be nice to spend an entire weekend with family. We decided not to bother driving back and forth all weekend, so we'll be staying out there. It's kind of like a mini-vacation for us too. I'm looking forward to being away from home for a little while and in a different environment. It'll be nice to be away for a few days.

And Sunday is Mother's Day! Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there! We'll see my mother-in-law on Mother's Day since we'll be there for the wedding. But we won't get to see my mom. :( We'll see her in a few weeks, though!

I received a "Happy (God) Mother's Day" card in the mail today from my Goddaughter! It was such a pleasant surprise!! It was home made too, the best kind!

I got another special surprise for Mother's Day. Something I initiated, but didn't expect to come to fruition so quickly. I found a woman online who makes bracelets for moms, specifically as mementos for the loss of a child or children. Apparently her business started with bracelets for moms who experienced miscarriage or other pregnancy loss, but has now expanded to all sorts of bereaved moms and other areas. Anyway, I placed an order with her just last night to have a bracelet made for our baby and already I've communicated with her several times today and the bracelet is almost done and might be shipped tomorrow!! I'm stunned at how fast this has been. She told me she's very busy with Mother's Day so close and I kind of feel bad that she felt the need to rush on mine. I didn't need it now, but I'm so grateful that she takes such joy in making these. I can tell by her wonderful emails. The picture I saw of the bracelet looks amazing and I can't wait to see the real thing!! It might be very soon!!

So that's our weekend!! A wedding, celebrating moms, and just enjoying life. Next week will be a little stressful, but I'll get into that later. For now, I'm trying not to think too far ahead! Enjoy your weekend!!

Catholic Carnival #170 is up!

The next edition of the Catholic Carnival is up!! After many months of reading the Carnival I finally decided to participate. Go check out all the wonderful posts from Catholic bloggers from all over the Blogosphere here:

Catholic Carnival 170

Happy reading!

A Name, An Identity

In my previous post, A Loss and Our Faith, I talked about how our faith has helped us to accept the death of our child. We never got to see or hold our baby and we'll never know if it was a boy or a girl. But despite all the questions, the occasional anger, grief, and sadness, and the loss of life at such an early stage, we know that this was a child of God who was sent to us as a gift, even if it was just for a short time. We'll never know why God chose to end this child's life so soon, but I trust His will and know that my baby is in heaven with Him. In my previous post I listed several items that have been on my mind since our loss. The first was about giving our child a name. Some may find this a strange thing to do, but I couldn't imagine not doing it. Read on to find out why.

The first time I heard the idea of giving a name to a child who died in the womb was from a book by Kimberly Hahn called Life Giving Love. It is an amazing book and I highly recommend it (very faithful to the teachings of the Church, including discussions on NFP, which was really my first intro to that topic). In part of the book she discusses miscarriage, she had two herself plus has six living children. It has been a few years since I read the book and I don't currently have it handy, but I remember reading that section on miscarriage and pregnancy loss and being blown away by all her insights and everything she went through. She named both her babies in heaven and the family remembers them in their prayers regularly.

The Sunday after our miscarriage the spot in our church bulletin usually reserved for a letter from our parish rector contained instead an excerpt about Parents and Baptism from the book Together at Baptism by Robert M. Hamma. There was one paragraph that stuck out for me and I wanted to share it here:

There are few things that parents do that have a more lasting effect on a child than giving a name. There is a time-honored tradition among Christians of naming children after saints or other biblical figures. Although our culture has changed and many people no longer observe this tradition, we still recognize that a name gives a child a sense of identity. Perhaps it gives a child a role model or expresses something of value for the parents that they want to share with their child. Whatever the case, naming a child is an important responsibility and a privilege.

This paragraph really spoke to me and was there at the exact moment I needed it. Every child should have an identity and it has been important to me that my child always be remembered as a unique individual. I was also struck by the idea of it being "an important responsibility and a privilege" (my emphasis). Wow, it is a "privilege" for me to name my baby! Why would I reject that privilege that God has given me? Although I can't hold or see my baby, I know he was a gift from God and God is giving me this chance to name my child. What an amazing thought!

We talked a long time about what name to give our child. I wanted something that would work for either a boy or a girl, since we didn't really know what we were having and I didn't want to make any declarations one way or the other. So we did some searching and the one name we really liked of all those we found was Casey. It isn't biblical and it isn't the name of any known saint, but we liked it. So it stuck. The middle name was a little harder. I came up with several suggestions and Chris finally picked out the one that I was most hesitant about, but I like it now. We decided on Marie for a variety of reasons. First, it is gender neutral! Marie, Maria, Mary, etc. are all used for men just as much for women in a variety of cultures (Carl Maria von Weber, anyone!). Chris has some French heritage, so Marie was an appropriate middle name for a boy, and of course, it is most commonly associated in our culture with girls. The other great part of Marie is that it is a name for Mary. The above quote mentions a name being a role model for the child. What better role model could there be than the Blessed Virgin Mary!! And what about the name expressing the parents values; well, Mary is very important to us both as a role model and as our heavenly Mother. I find myself thinking about Our Mother Mary a lot these days. I wonder if as a mother she has a special fondness for all the small children in heaven who died due to miscarriage or stillbirth, and especially for those who were victims of abortion. I need to start including prayers asking for Mary's intersession more often in my prayer life.

Casey Marie is a wonderful name and I love saying it to myself. I pray for Casey by name now. It brings tears to my eyes during certain parts of the Eucharistic prayers at Mass when I think of Casey. I just love knowing that my child will always have a unique identity and will always be remembered in my prayers and in our family prayers.

I welcome comments on this topic and would especially love to know what names others have chosen for children they have lost. Oh, and I haven't done it yet, but I am thinking of adding Casey Marie's name to the Book of Life at the Shrine for the Unborn at the Church of the Holy Innocents in New York City. The church prays for all the families and children in the Book of Life at the 12:15pm Mass on the first Monday of every month. What a beautiful thing! I love knowing that my baby is being prayed for regularly. If you want to help them out, they do accept donations to help with upkeep of the Shrine and all that it entails. We plan on making a donation and I may even make it an annual thing in rememberance of Casey.

Thanks for reading and listening to the ramblings of a still-grieving mother. May God bless all of you!

A Loss and Our Faith

A few weeks ago my husband and I experienced a loss in our lives. Most of our family and friends that may read this blog already know what happened and I do not plan on going into much detail here. But I am finding that as I learn to get through my feelings of grief, I want to write more. So that's what I'm doing.

On March 31, I experienced a miscarriage. The baby we lost was 8 and a half weeks old in the womb and was already becoming a big part of our lives. The loss was very hard to take; many dreams were dashed, many happy occasions were already being imagined and those are all gone as well. But slowly we are starting to see the positive sides and we're moving back into our lives, although differently since our lives have changed now in many ways. Though I still have days when I am angry or sad and I want to step away from my normal every day activities, I have more good days than bad and I believe that a lot of that has to do with the faith that my husband and I share. Without it I don't know how we would have survived this experience.

Over the last few weeks I have had so many different thoughts, most related to how I have used my faith to overcome my grief, how my faith influences how I think of this baby, and so many more things!! I could go on and on about so many different topics that this has inspired in me. And eventually I may touch on them -- in future posts!

For now, a preview of some of my thoughts, which may become future posts:

• Naming our baby and why every child should have an identity
  
• The church's teaching/understanding of baptism for children who die before they are born
  
• Using NFP after miscarriage
  
• Striving to be a saint!!
  
• Suffering as part of our Christian faith
  
• Why supporting the right to life is so important not only for the average person, but for our politicians as well (those who, supposedly, make and uphold our laws and all our rights as citizens)
  
• And, maybe I'll go a little deeper on Faith and how it has helped me so much during this trying time
  

I could probably go on, but I think this list will do for now. In regard to the first bullet above (a topic I plan on addressing very soon), for those who are curious, we named our baby Casey Marie.

Please say a prayer for our little Casey Marie, that Our Lord and Our God will protect him and keep him safe and that Our Mother, the Blessed Virgin Mary, will care for him until I can one day hold him in my arms myself. We are blessed to have a child in heaven, our little saint to pray for us and be our heavenly advocate.

Today's Mass at Yankee Stadium

No, I did not get to attend the Mass, though what an awesome experience that could have been. We did, however, watch it on TV. Those who were able to attend had been sitting in the stadium since 10am this morning. The "popemobile" came in a little after 2pm and the Mass started around 2:30.

Even watching it on TV was an awesome experience! To see the Holy Father enter Yankee Stadium and wave at all the people and to see the thousands of people there all excited to be celebrating Mass with the Pope was astounding. It was so moving watching the people's reactions as the Pope made his way around the stadium and to the sacristy (which I think was one of the dug outs).

At this Mass they also commemorated the 200th anniversary of the Diocese of Baltimore's elevation to an Archdiocese. In addition the 200th anniversary of four other Dioceses in the U.S.: Boston, New York, Philadelphia, and Bardstown (now Louisville); all four were under the metropolitan of Baltimore at the time, although now all four are archdioceses themselves.

Anyway, During the liturgy of the Word the first reading (from Acts) was in English, the second (from the first letter of Peter) in Spanish, and they chanted the Gospel reading in English. During the Psalm I wasn't paying attention but I think they sung it in a combination of English and Spanish. Later during the Prayers of the Faithful, they had a variety of people come up to give each one and they each read the intention in their own language. I heard English, Spanish, and French for certain. I think there was an African language, some southeast Asian language (I think), and possibly a few others. Again, I think I was not totally paying attention at that point either. Oh, and the Creed was sung in Latin, the universal language of the church.

His Homily was very good. Benedict has addressed the sex scandal in the church from the past few years several times since arriving in the U.S. last week. Actually, he first addressed it enroute to the U.S. He also met with several victims of the scandal while he was here. During his homily he did not bring it up explicitely but he did mention working against scandals in the church, in a general sense. Other than that, one of the first big topics he addressed was protecting the unborn!! He got immediate and enthusiastic applause for that one (presidential candidates take note!). Other than that, he talked a lot about hope, which of course was the main theme of his whole trip: Christ our Hope. Not only that, but as Chris pointed out when the commentor on TV was talking about how much he addresses the issue of Hope ("he's definitely making himself out to be the Pope of Hope"), his most recent encyclical is also on hope. We also laughed at calling Benedict the "Hope Pope!" He addressed young people specifically at one point, talked about vocations to the priesthood and religious life, and about raising children in the faith and parents as strong role models. He also addressed the crowd in Spanish (for which he got more enthusiastic applause). Apparently the Pope is actually more comfortable in Spanish than he is English, which did seem to be the case when he first started speaking in Spanish. I'd like to go find the homily somewhere and read it again, since I'm sure I missed something. I'll be checking the uspapalvisit.com website soon to see if all his talks from this past week are there.

The Eucharistic celebration was very cool. It was so moving to see several couples come forward to present the gifts of bread and wine to the Pope. You could tell that they were overwhelmed by the opportunity they had to be in Pope Benedict's presence. During the actual distribution of communion, the camera focused on the Pope occasionally as he was distributing communion to the faithful and it was so moving. The commentators on the TV even were talking about how at this particular point the Pope is like every other priest, and it was a very humbling experience watching him give the Eucharist to the faithful. Maybe humbling isn't the right word, but hopefully you know what I mean. Oh, and they managed to get communion to all 57,000 people and did it all in about 15-20 minutes!! There were priests everywhere!! Apparently they had done several dress rehearsals for this to make sure they could do it quickly and efficiently while still maintaining the reverence damanded of the Eucharistic celebration.

Although I couldn't be at the Mass in person, it was wonderful to be able to watch it on TV. I was so moved by the whole thing and I started thinking about how cool it would be to attend mass sometime where the Pope was presiding. What an awesome experience it would be. Don't know if I'll ever get that opportunity in my lifetime, but it would be worth it.